eternal sunshine in a gumball machine

clear skies

2010-09-23T10:14:00.000-05:00

I told her the sky would be blue again tomorrow
Gathered by things tied to a string & walked toward an uncertain horizon
Our love had been reduced to the fickleness of weather forecasts
& life had my skies permanently cloudy
Even her sunshine couldn’t break through the pain of me being my own worst enemy
And when I made them partly cloudy
She was completely tired of the grey I wore on my face
And suggested space
Maybe then the clouds would dissipate
I would have no more rainy days
But fate
Or miscalculated predictions added fuel to a system already turning tightly
& if I woulda stayed around that lightning woulda struck mightly
Thrice on the same nightly
I didn’t want a hurricane so I packed up tightly
Went where the high and low pressure couldn’t meet for a fight
But she’s still calling me tonight
Wanting me to be that light that used to fertilize her dreams
Jumpstart everything but I can’t
We predicted this system & we agreed to ride it out
Through the rain, sleet, snow & dry nights
But I’ve felt too many cracks in my skin to continue to battle a sandstorm of circumstances
That’s why I’m changing direction
Even from where I stand I can see her clouds gathering
Torrential rains of her tears mix with the thunder of her sobs
Breaking up is a hard job but someone had to do it
If we were to ever see clear skies again
Catch a wind gust and fly again
Be the rainbow in my eyes again
Til all those good weather days are back again
I’m headed toward a bright horizon
Where I can see the blue hues of a clear sky
And a warmth of sunshine I won’t let fade
These fair weather days are hard to predict
But I’ll make it through

pendulum swings

2009-12-02T08:34:00.001-06:00

I chose my destiny in the womb
double knotted my umbilical cord around my feet upside down
my mother telling billy goat gruff stories of crossing bridges where trolls lie in wait
inspired me to premature birth
so I entered this world head first
head strong because I watched siblings get tied up with the foolishness of life
and come out dead on the other side
I swung
a pendulum hanging from a cloud three less that nine
childhood I was easily swayed
side to side because when your parents are divorced there is no in between
considered Christianity because crosses looked just like me
crucified upside down to die for this world’s sins
I convinced myself that I would be the one to right it
be its savior
cut through injustice and be worshipped as god
but I couldn’t touch the ground
lacked simplicity
doomed to be misunderstood because I don’t walk the same path
no I don’t walk
and my words hit ears like classics played backwards
bittersweet symphonies
love came as divine as kinetic energy
two superheroes beautifully flawed
we share Spiderman kisses of passion
in between missed opportunities and late-night calls from destiny
those days I remember that
23 years ago I tied a rope around my ankles
and christened myself with this burden
karma isn’t the bitch once you realize the definition of karma
so now I do more hanging than swinging
at night blood sleeps cozy in the cradle of my cranium
but it doesn’t make me crazy
it makes me
and I’ve made peace with that

abstract art

2009-10-05T10:37:00.002-05:00

placed in a 5 x 2 inch frame i was hung on a wall
to be filed past & examined
touched with dirty child fingerprints
a topic of conversation more passing fad than necessity
pieces of dried macaroni & tattered & faded denim Elmer glued on construction paper
i was a work of art
the proclaimed masterpiece finished by an adolescent artist
put on display for the world to see
until curators made room for the next
the evolution from finger paintings to dali paintings
melted time clocks dripping with thick clops of watercolors
made streaks of blues & maroons
puddles of indescribable nothings passed off as beautiful
holidays were field trips & this traveling exhibit
opened eyes to new forms of expressions
visually sturdy collages of magazine pages
paper mache'd the way of the world
graffiti spray paint of skateboards & black fisted rebel on project brick walls
sepia charcoal smudged to smear the pain of living in a 360 degree frame
yes society loves works of art
group tickets sell by the family tree
cause from every evergreen hangs the black sheep
nail gunned to branches & admission is free
to be analyzed
draw conclusions with washable markers on the back
bid on the pieces you really desire
as others flow down the waters of forgotten memories
i am the writing on the wall
misinterpreted for the masses
because finding the truth is like an abstract picture
who wants explanation
when you can just call it abstract

boxing ring

2009-10-05T10:12:00.005-05:00

more than walls separate us
mix in some space and opportunity
we graduated from school yard bullying
wet willies & swirlies to full on fisticuffs
started picking housing floor plans that looked more like boxing rings
and in this corner, i stood
looking at her bedroom door
holding up my guard
i knew when i heard the entrance theme music of catty conversations filled with insinuation
the beat down would begin
turn my mother into another
friend to sugar ray robinson george foreman
swinging big bear punches with such authority
that it'd knock my self-esteem to its knees
hit you so hard you'll future girlfriends will feel it
at night, we'd retreat to neutral corners
had the dignity to fight in designated areas
to come out swinging between the bells & buzzes of alarm clocks
and the days when she'd slip barbed wire bricks in her gloves
i took the hit
because she knew pork chops & rib eyes would heal
bruises & black eyes on my ego
let pens be the vaseline over my swollen jaw
punk, heavy metal be my ace bandage
wrapping my emotion & hurt with white voices
suffocating my own breath
as peace offerings we sacrificed out tongues because
mediation led to confusion for one and happiness for none
cause she can't understand my sentiments clearly
letters could never deliver the message directly or on time
mostly i kept my shit in my mind
& let the walls talk to me
put my head in the stucco white clouds
cause i knew clowns & unicorns would always be there like best friends
cause my mother would rather box me
than love me

Armor

2009-03-09T10:41:00.004-05:00

I keep a can of silver polish for you
& everyday I diligently shine my suit of armor
Buffing out scratches and knocking out dents
Cause I want nothing more than to be your knight in shining armor
I waste days sharpening my sword I swore to protect you with
Just to fall on it later
Trippin' over big shoes of responsibility
Steps too established for my inexperienced feet
Spillin' the blood of slain victims condemned to death
By my charismatic disposition on my hands & heart
Blood stains deep
& the chinks in my armor feel more like dents in my confidence
Holes in my subconscious
But everyday I polish my suit
Because I want so desperately to be your knight in shining armor
Your Lancelot, your King Arthur
Because you've never had one
Entertained black knights in court jester uniforms
Shape-shifting fairies with lyres that only strum fables of forever and fidelity
But I'm
More like Alphonse Elric
An empty shell more metal than human
Using cheap alchemic romance to try and bring you happiness
I keep a can of polish for you
Hoping a fresh shine compensates for your demons still alive
& the ones that followed me into this quest
& all you want is a noble peasant
A dedicated blacksmith who loves and provides
But my ego would rather shoot for the stars
Even if my slingshot rocks can't make it that far
The dragons I've killed in past medieval times
Were Spyro compared to the serpents who hold your trust for me hostage
But every time I run off into battle
Trip over my feet & fall on my sword
To die another dishonorable death
The compassion you carry in your fingertips for me
Revives everything, even my foolish pride
& I go home
& I shine my suit of armor for you
Wishing that next time
I can make it past the castle walls
& bring you back a dragon's head
As a worthy prize

Modern Day Porn Star

2009-03-09T10:21:00.002-05:00

Her catalog of cinematic pornographic accomplishments
Covers three walls of her three bedroom home
Categorized from emotional destruction to emotional detachment
She remembers each one
Girls Gone Wild, teenage rebellion personified
But ain't nothing soft core about middle-aged men coaching you on how to touch yourself
Them little star launched her star into Freaky First-Timers
Making her the newest hard core porn actress
Changed her name cause Chloe Cummz does what Lisa Thomas doesn't
Suck, squirt, ride
Missionary and doggy-style
Titty-fuck, toys, time-clock lesbians and ATM machines
Cried during Anal Crusaders but
Can't work if all your holes ain't for sale
So she gave up what she was saving for her husband
To a dude named Van Damage who did damage
To more than just her asshole
10th time around
Double Your Pleasure doubled the pressure on her stomach cavity
Two scenes of double penetration meant double the pay
And hey, that's what Lisa was going for
Chloe fucked her way up that ladder of abscess til she could cum no more
And couldn't suppress the pride when AVN gave her four award nominations
2009 Adult Video Vixen
And the jobs came
Wicked's exclusive contract star
Tales from the Dykeside where she learned that
All pussy is created equal
Cream Pie Surprise surprised even the camera man
With her milky white gold flowing like geysers
Graduated to big name dicks and now she's
Fuck'n Blackzilla and only taking Diesel
Letting black wood splinter her pussy walls like cheap pencils
Eight hours hard labor
She rode Black Ice to snort snow to cope with the cicles of social popularity that surrounded her uterus
And the bi-weekly tests couldn't stop her from getting that STD
And heavy birth control couldn't stop her from having Mandingo's baby
Classified a MILF and refused to watch Desperate Housewhores cause
Her moans reminded her took much of her newborn babies cries
Inside, her 10 years in the game felt like 25
She wouldn't make it cougar status cause she let the industry devour her soul
And spit back enough titles to cover three walls of the nearest mom & pop video store
Where Johns can choose her in pigtails or gangbangs
The glossy covers taking away from the shine in her eyes
That has dimmed after years of packaging it away with her dignity
There's nothing like knowing strangers have studied your body for hours
Just for a few minutes of satisfaction
She's lived her life on the front of DVDs and Blu-Ray discs
And that's the price she paid
For your $9.99 a cumshot

Repeat

2009-03-09T10:04:00.004-05:00

she said play that song back
press repeat
let me relive our 1st few days through a smooth bass beat
when ur eyes shined as bright as ur smile
even on days when life had lost its luster
i used 2 dress my gender
& u singing 2 me was all i'd need 2 make my day complete
spirited lyrics between plucks of guitar strings
i was that sight, w/my energy shinin' so bright
& so strong that it pulsed through our bodies like sonic booms
as we lay on da floor of my apartment
intimacy at its most innocent
& i can't remember da last time it felt like that
now we live by alarm clocks & difficult talks that may or may not end positively
i used 2 tell u things w/my touch
that would never come out my mouth
& u listened
told me things w/ur body placement on top of mine
that matched da look in ur eyes
& i understood
we spoke our own language & walked our own routine
but somewhere down da line i confused breakin' my neck 4 u
w/breakin' ur back 4 me
overcome by my selfish tendencies
press repeat
da refrain doesn't bother me
cause i wanna still be da Princess who burns CDs
calls u her Honeybee
wanna be da couple who spends their nights @ IHOP
& days in da conforms of satin sheets or comforters or carpets or showers
or da sun rays that cut through patio blinds
soaking in da moments between verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge
yea
that track holds da fountain of youth 2 our relationship
da 1st 'our song'
cause we can have sex 2 mixes & singles
but nuthin beats making love 2 my wife
2 da sounds of U & I

Dictionary

2008-11-20T10:56:00.002-06:00

I live in the dictionary
I'm 12 months into a lifelong lease and
I've made myself comfortable between the
Pages of black ink and illustrations
The top right corner now conforms perfectly between my index and thumb
Like my grandfather's ass cheeks in his favorite chair
I made poetry my pillow
So I can wipe my feet on poverty in my sleep
Two Tuesdays ago
I evicted my roommate
He couldn't stop leaving his dirty fingerprints on my mantle of beliefs
He wrapped "constitution" around his right hand and
Scribbled "abnormal" on the fogged shower mirror
As I washed off the obligations my mother had
Beaten into my subconscious
He refused to spray weedkiller on the discrimination tree
Sprouting on the book's spine
Said it felt too much like cutting down his backbone
So I wrapped both hands around his roots
Trying to uproot his creed that
Redefinition and restriction aren't the same things
When both are rooted in re-instituting
These ropes around my dreams
By then I knew he had to leave
I filled the refrigerator with my organic concoctions
Of compound words that he couldn't digest
Because he was raised on the carnal dishes of
Prefixes and suffixes
Substituting the common in our arranged marriage
With the same ingredients I grew in my backyard
He gagged on his inner inconsistencies
Retaliation gave me a Christmas wedding gift of
One-way tickets to Massachusetts with
Blessings that there, I could get what I need
I said, Mr. Webster please
I prefer not to go to the state where my ancestors were sold in past lives
Just to come full circle in this life
Cause in this life, my wife's gonna stay with me
And 3's not company
It's a breach of my lease contract
The dictionary is my home
These baby locks are really just complex metaphors
Matted together after fornicating on the first page of the F's
When I'm hungry, I peel back outer sheets and eat in between the lines
Like Malcolm X on the floor of his prison cell
My connection to this papyrus parallels Egyptian folklore
So if anything
Your illegal residence in this residential domicile
Defiles the definition of matrimony more than me playing a groom
And my woman playing the bride
Now is the end of your time
So eviction put your stuff outside
Meaning a little unclear?
Well by all means
Go look it up

The Pied Piper

2008-10-27T09:55:00.002-05:00

Can you hear it?
Can you hear the sweet melody?
It wafts through the air like a midspring breeze
Yet its strong enough to blow hymns through guitar strings
He's coming
Making his way to our pueblos, our towns, our barrios, our street corners
Effortlessly gliding up and down musical scales
Cultural divides
Racial lines
To unite us with one song of change
The pied piper of a new world history
He's coming
And us rats have been waiting
Waiting on the one who would dawn a new day
Cause we are tired of scavenging
Coveting the leftover food scraps thrown out by the nose turners and eye cutters
He gives us something as elusive as the sweet smell of freedom
Singing Flobotic creeds of manifest destiny
This land is my land, This land is your land
And we
Want it back
To taste the fruit of our labor
Instead of harvesting it for someone else
We rats are readying to flee this downtrodden village infested with poverty
To follow the piper to the land of milk and middle class tax cuts
Honey and affordable healthcare
A paradise not lost, just needing to be rebuilt
He's coming
Do you hear it?
Do you hear the joyous chords of revival?
Accompanied by a nation of backup singers
Sopranos, altos, basses, tenors
All willing this musician closer
To keep Baracking
To push on harder
Cause us rats need saving
We're down to our last piece of cheese
We've spent the last eight years on our knees
Just fertilizing bushes that only birth feces
It's been past time to leave
To venture into the green, into the black
Back to the glory of yesteryears
And the hope of this man to take us there
Floats like the notes that flow from his voicebox
It sounds a little like Sam Cook
Mixed with Marvin Gaye
Produced by Will.I.Am
That pied piper is a bad man
I can hear it
Can you?
Yes we can

Vids and Pics

2008-10-15T15:33:00.005-05:00

Here are some good pictures from my first solo feature on Sept. 30. Also, check She Eats for a new vid of me performing the first part of the piece, and if you didn't notice, The Mask was redone from the first time. It's got new parts and edits.

She Eats

2008-09-25T10:20:00.005-05:00

She's been making herself sick
Escaping to the solitude of bathroom stalls and
Hiding the evidence in bedroom trash cans
She regrets it every time but
She can't stop
See, eating disorders start at an early age
Watching what her mother ate and fed her brothers and sisters
Too young to differentiate bad from good
And now her immune system can't digest all those toxins
What comes up
Is all those words she spoke against her life
Against her boyfriend-turned-husband-turned-baby daddy-turned-ex-husband-turned-trifling ass bastard who left
When he'd had enough of her words
She eats the late-night conversations with her best friend
"That nigga ain't no good"
Just to throw them up again
Against her embryo-turned-fetus-turned-baby girl she tried desperately for nine months
To turn male who's seemingly turning male right before her eyes
She eats the coos whispered to her 8-week-old swollen belly
"I will call you William"
Just to throw them up again
Because her mother fed her three square meals of "You won't be nobody"
Two decades later she's still dry heaving on nouns and verbs
She couldn't completely swallow the first time
Cause she knew it didn't taste right
She's been making herself sick and she
Makes herself sick because
She can't stop what she's already put into her body
Into the universe
She eats what she sows and the rotten fruits from negative trees
Have condemned her soul to spiritual bulimia
An urban Sisyphus content to pull her finger out her throat
Just to push it back down again
She can't hold it in because
The regurgitated grammar settles in her arteries like ready-made heart attacks
To snatch away her existence
They never said eating crow causes death
So she makes herself sick
Escaping to the solitude of bathroom stalls and
Hiding the evidence in bedroom trash cans
She regrets it every time but
She can't stop

*the vid doesn't have the whole poem, just the first 3/4. . .sorry

The Mask

2008-09-17T10:55:00.004-05:00

My mother told me I was beautiful with it on
A porcelain sculpture half green with promise half blue with expectation
A look of strength and weariness etched into its surface overflowing with defiantly straight and long black hair
And I swore to never take it off
With it, I was the closest to perfection I could be
Not quite there because only true artists can bring their imaginations alive
And I was my mother's first child
Her first artistic try
In her womb, she made sure to eat the fruits of disappointment
So obligation would flow through her bloodstream
To me
This made my mask unbreakable
She didn't have to tell me that I came from a long line of mask-wearers
I saw it with my own eyes
At holiday gatherings, aunts, uncles and cousins spoke the language of prisoners
And ceremoniously passed down the familial iron mask like sweet potato pies at the dinner table
I took my piece gladly
At home, I'd bump
"M to the A to the S to the K
Put the mask upon the face just to make the next day"
Not realizin' that Wyclef had Lauryn singing her own identity death sentence
I took on as a mantra
Until I learned that words are more powerful than parental hand me downs
With a shout of "I am beautiful"
My mask began to crack and peel like hard-boiled egg shells
Who I really was wasn't for whispers
I walked around intrigued by the little piece of chin and mouth
Peeking out like Phantom of the Opera
A bulk of the porcelain had stayed
But the energy of my self-esteem
Made the forehead and cheek pieces fall, too, cause
Who I was wasn't for hiding
The final piece
A duplicate of flimsy cereal box 3D glasses
Disintegrated when I set aside my fear and agreed to live in reality
And it felt good to free my face
Let my cheeks feel air because after 22 years
That porcelain suffocated so much that even my pores breathed sighs of relief
Opened my eyes wide enough that I could see my reflection in my pupils
I liked me
mocha brown skin golden with ancestry eyes bright with enlightenment
A smile that beamed confidence, love and strength topped with kinky, nappy hair
And nothing
Not even the look of disgust and disappointment on my mother's face could dampen my elated spirit
She was ashamed
For the first time, my mom told me I was ugly
Because the twinkle in my eyes had rainbow-colored tints and she
Couldn't handle it
"Without your mask, I don't know you"
The irony is Mom,
Without my mask, I don't know you either

A Math Problem

2008-09-05T10:26:00.001-05:00

$2.57 can buy a loaf of bread, six packs of Ramen Noodles and a Gatorade
$4.18 can buy a snickers and enough gas to get from school to home for three days
I placed out of college math just to be placed into life algebra
Variable A is how long I can go without a decent meal (always changing)
Variable B is the price of unleaded gasoline (always changing)
& C - C is 4, society's standard of college graduation
I'm not sure when life got reduced to a quadratic equation
But I majored in communication
Pulling A's and B's but can't convince an employer to hire me
At night, I empty my pockets to count up my copper and silver-plated hopes ready to roll
Hoping to make dollars in an economy that don't make sense
It's hard to run & jump & play in this recess that shuns ascension
Can't grow without seed
And the cloud over my head blocks the sun from shining my way
Though it doesn't always rain
Yesterday
I traded my pride for two cans of luncheon loaf & 30 minutes in a donation line
Gave new meaning to land of the free - home of the brave
My dignity only allows me to crawl on my hands and knees searching for glimmers of redemption when no one else is home
Desperation makes for great knee pads
And hunger's an effective motivator and creativity stimulator
So when my supply of food pickiness runs low and my body demands subsistence
I start mixing carbs and starches with no regard for nutritional value
3 weeks ago
Optical illusions turned nine cans of whole kernel corn into four barrels of gasoline
That's senior-level chemistry
And the university says I'm 42 credits away from financial freedom
But all I see is
My stafford loan shackles waiting on the other side of the graduation stage
Subsidizing me with its interest rates
Sallie Mae says do the math
Replace the variables with numbers and I got
Angry cause I know a corporate company made millions this year
And was given more than $300 from the government
Professor said No Princess
The answer is 1
One chance to get it right
Or you fail

A rare blog post

2008-08-28T13:28:00.004-05:00

It's been a while, so the site deserves a little update.
I've been going to Fort Worth's dedicated poetry spot, The Embargo, faithfully for the last six months. I read 90% of the time I'm there and I've even slammed a few times. The atmosphere is so welcoming and inviting that there's no problem with going up and performing.
At the beginning of this month, I traveled to Madison, WI for the National Poetry Slam Finals to support my girlfriend and Fort Worth Slams. I met so many talented and friendly poets there. The experience was great and helped to cultivate my work.
I performed in the two solo slams, advancing to the second round in both but failing to qualify for the second round. I chop that up to me not having a huge repertoire of diverse poems that I'm confident in just yet.
Now that I'm back, I've started several pieces, but haven't finished nearly as many as I would have liked. Hopefully I can do that soon and well.
My goal now is to make the Fort Worth Slam Team, and I will do it.
On campus, I'm also starting a poetry group so we can have weekly open mics there and hopefully bring in local and national spoken word poets for features.
Just so you know, the poems that were posted in August were after I got back from nationals.

Give Me Back Those Minutes

2008-08-22T18:04:00.001-05:00

It sickens me to talk to you but
Here I am cause
You need to hear a true American story
About a beautiful girl who lost parts of herself in that sandbox you tricked thousands into playing in
She loves Double Stuf Oreos and gentle kisses on her 3rd eyelids
Spontaneous giggly moments and making love
And not necessarily in that order
And me
She's the epitome to my crescendo
But every once in a while we hear a sour note that sounds too much reveille
Arlington Texas ain't Baghdad Iraq
But she still flinches when cars alarm a little too long
Look I know you didn't do it on purpose
But since you like to play God
I need you to reach into your bag and give me back those minutes
When poetic imagery and unfinished buildings butterfly effect her back to 2003
And she can't speak
Her eyes swirl sand like hourglass
And I'm dealing with Pfc. Brown - not Bee
Hopeless cause my kisses can't stop her tremble
I can't spit a love poem loud enough to drown out the mortar bombs
My embrace isn't tight enough to squeeze life back in the battle buddies she watched die
Yea, she made it back from Iraq
But pieces of her subconscience still ended up in body bags
I want you
To erase all the awkwardness I feel because while she was fighting off sargeants and insurgents
I was smoking weed and drinking cheap vodka
Show me the pieces I will never see
Because she can't bear to put her lips together and tell me
George
I know you didn't do it on purpose
But whatever's going on over there ain't bringing our soldier back fully intact
There's some instructions your orders definitely lacked
So for you I order this
That every bowl of Alphabets you eat spells out IED, PTSD, FAKE WMD
That you hear spirits whispering cadence in your dreams
And one day
A grieving relative who's loved one got reduced to a number, or a phrase, or a vegetable
Carves death into your chest before repositioning that ignorant grin you proudly wear between your jugulars
Because that's how much I love her
That's how much we love them
And every moment spent trying to suture close 600 mile wide wounds is a lesson in futility
We don't wanna feel like this
Like nerds fighting off bullies with math problems
Like mothers wanting to kiss away ouchies with no lips
Give us back those minutes
They just add to the seven years you wasted in a winless war
And maybe then we can get some closure
We
Us
The soldiers
The families
The lovers
The friends
And I
Can have my beautiful girl
All to myself

Starry-less Nights

2008-08-20T15:11:00.001-05:00

City lights block my answers
Longing for the time solutions could be found in constellations
I resort to searching the dripped dried paint of my bedroom ceiling for comfort
The main light fixture my moon, smoke detector my polaris
But the white stucco only yields animals and clowns
As futile as watching clouds in an afternoon sky, hoping you and
A friend can guess what the next marshmallow will make
I don't like playing games cause
"When in doubt pick C" doesn't always work for me
I need some kind of certainty
Dependent on man made creations, no longer turning to God's eyes
Much rather listen to man's thoughts
With light pollution swallowing our dreams whole
Maybe that's why they say country life is easy
All the answers show themselves at night and under the stars solice can be found
But the hustle and bustle of suburbia serves as its own answer key
Little kids count the artificial stars of helicopters and airplanes
Never learning to look to the heavens when times get rough
Cause all they can see is darkness
And they can just look forward, backward, left right and down
if they want to see that
Singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, how I wonder WHERE you are?
Kids dreaming astronomical dreams turned unrealistic fantasies
of flying comets and shooting stars
Unrealistic cause "Who shoots stars?"
When cars are easier targets
Mama said I can't see the forest for the trees
But if all my evergreens look like lamp posts, what does that mean?
A starry-less night for a hopeless people
Didn't study for this test and can't peek up for clues
City lights block my answers
And I'm pretty sure
They block yours too

To me, she's perfect

2008-08-20T14:54:00.000-05:00

I never believed in perfection
No matter what
Trying to erect while picket fences around apartment complexes
Didn't look right
So I gave up my dream of mounted Prince Charmings
Until her
When we met this soldier kept nothing private
Proudly showing her flaws and battle scars
Thinking it'd scare me away
Her hands calloused form too tightly gripping her trust
Bruised tailbones from one too many kicks from life to her butt
Her last left her so tired that at night
She screams out restless energy in the form of mumbled words
She constantly spits poetry when she gets tired of tasting rejection, abuse and misuse
But to me, she's perfect
She's what I asked for
Her imperfections are like masterpieces
And sometimes she has the audacity to say
She's trying to get skinny for me
A honeybee
On the defensive after beekeeper after beekeeper
Kept pimpin' her for her honey
Trappin' her inside the hive never to be free
I don't usually deal in the permanent
But she makes me wanna write my emotions in ink and
tattoo her name on my intentions and my skin
As long as she loves me
I'll reinforce my cocoon to metamorphize me because
I wanna be an insect too
Not the same species - bees and butterflyz
And my wings may not flap as fast as yours
But I promise I'll work to keep up
Because to me, you're perfect
And you can't leave
Your kisses taste too much like eternal bliss
and I love the stickiness of your honey-coated touch
I never believed in perfection
Until I let love slap and snap me back to reality
Change my perception because
Perfection is in the eye of the beholder

July 14

2008-07-14T23:07:00.000-05:00

Ecstasy rises with the sun
Signaling brighter days on the horizon that ring true
And life's little rewards guide like bread crumbs leading back to you
Hours full of candy sometimes a precursor to sickness undeniable
But nausea is easy to cure
An antibiotic I keep in my heart

Space

2008-07-07T09:56:00.002-05:00

Every night
Under the dark still
We ascend to space
Ridin' innocent fireflies fueled by soft kisses and tugs
Until the opportunity comes to
Jump on shooting stars that will
Propel us through atmospheres and stratospheres
And we are surrounded by majesty
Seeing stars and galaxies through her Milky Ways
That overflow from Big and Little Dippers
An Ursa Major explosion as we pick up speed
To travel through orgasms as fast as lightyears
White dwarfs blur past and
Slaps and screams mimic supernovas splitting and
Knock planets off orbits
Our love making is astronomical
Taking time to space walk up and down thighs and across chests
Sucking skin like black holes collapsed unto itself
We cling to each other, wrapping legs around asteroid belts
And in her eyes I can see myself
And in mine she can see herself
So we count constellations as our own little contest
Cassiopeia, Gemini, Orion's Belt
Marveling at the center of our universe, Polaris, to
Leave streaks across backs like exhaust marks in the sky
Time flies
Studying the anatomy of her astronomy
Never forgetting that Big Bang Theories aren't how our journey begins
It's how it ends
So during descent she
Bites back on pillowy clouds and tongues
Tired but not to be outdone
She kicks up dust
Sending ground shakes for miles that wake neighboring neighborhoods
Until we land
Cradling the Earth to look up at the experience we've had
The light that shines are smiles from the moon
Saying "Those astronauts be up to no good"

Poets

2008-06-25T18:49:00.001-05:00

Poets
Ignite my fire
Set my world ablaze with carefully laid metaphors that detonate like land mines
Make me wanna change minds
And run lyrically rampant like I'm flying through stop signs
Cause even Aries can have their fire snuffed out
With watered down similes that give no air to my imagination
See I can blow out CO2 but I need a spark
To create the right chemical reaction that forces my pen to paper
To scribe pieces about my uncle with cerebral palsy whose spirit only comes alive on Sunday mornings
And his vocal cords never strain as he sings Glory Glory Hallejuah Since I Laid My Burdens Down
And angry piece for the racist elementary school coach
As red in his face as he was on his neck
Who held my best friend up by his chest and said
"Don't you TOUCH that WHITE boy!"
My ex who taught me insecurity
My mom who taught me to believe in me
My cousin who taught me that smoking weed
Doesn't make you a hippie
Or a hopeless junkie
Because God dripped the ability to save lives on our tongues
So if you can't inspire me
Someone who was born with granite fingernails
Black and blue ink coursing through my veins
Then let's just call a press conference now so we can retire your name
And your pen
Or just save your poetry for close and family
EVERYBODY wants to make a difference but
NOBODY expects to only have 3 minutes and 10 seconds to do it in
But we revel in it like country pigs and fresh slop
So get on this stage and make it hot
Leave a wake of charred microphones and collapsed venues behind
And if you can't do that
Stop wasting my time

Love Hard

2008-06-08T14:49:00.000-05:00

*so, parts of this are meant to be sung ala Lauryn Hill's When It Hurts So Bad, which will be pointed out by asterisks, so you probably won't get the full feeling, but the words hit hard*

*I loved real, real hard once
And it made me want to give her everything
And I mean EVERYTHING
Things stopped making sense and started
Making sense
Music - the gateway to my soul but
Ain't no way all those R&B singers realize the power in their words
I'd shed hailstorm tears of pain
If I fell asleep dreaming of water in your eyes
Simply said *Lady I would cry for you tonight
It frightened me to the core
But I learned that not all scary things are bad
I learned that not all scary things are bad
Blatant robbery
*She stole my heart, like a thief in the night
But my senses are heightened
My nails are longer, hair is stronger
A Pluralized Princess
And it makes me want to give you my body
I mean GIVE YOU MY BODY
In a decorative clay pot
An evergreen hybrid growin' and flourishin' watered only by your devotion
A photosynthetic symbol of our connection
Please
Call me Poison Ivy
And let me find ways to sprout leaves from my fingertips
And flower buds from my taste buds
*I loved real real hard once
Too hard
I wanna give you the world
Shaped into a Princess cut pearl
Engrave your name on the oceans
Carve your smile on land
All its creatures would bow to you
And you would reign supreme
Set in 14-carat eternity
*Gave up my power, I'm existing for you
*But whoever knew, the voodoo you do
Magic shone through
Love spun like the colorful whirls of a battery-operated pen
Riding the vibrations and amazingly staring at the different hues
Reds, yellows, greens and blues
A kaleidoscope of indescribable affection
Ever-changing, evolving as we revolve around each other
Faster and faster never to come down hard
Cause see, love
Isn't supposed to be easy
It's gotta be hard
Hard enough to break ridiculous habits
Past connections and longstanding protective walls
So yes
I'm
loving
real
real
hard
The way that I'm supposed to

When It Hurts So Bad - Lauren Hill

Quiet Storm

2008-06-04T13:50:00.001-05:00

I am not the calm before the storm
I am the silence between the thunder and lightning
Saturated with fear and anticipation
Maybe that's why you underestimate me, forget about me
But please trust me, my lightning strikes justly
Igniting blazes so wide there'll be no time for help
My fire makes it so you can't outrun death
I close mouths with sharp phrases
Scared to lash back at the master who feeds them
I knock out teeth with soft smiles and tender gazes
But see you didn't know I carry hidden weapons
I sever forked tongues, get 'em ready for consumption with my trusty
Razor blade
Devour 'em with my one-time use fork that always seems to transform
Giving a fuck you to the dissenters then restoring to true form
And you
You must be descended from Eve
Ignoring the rules, fueled by your own selfish greed
That snake musta painted you green
Cuz jealousy and envy seeps from your pores like pubescent pimples popped
Scarring a once beautiful spirit that your pride turned evil
Consider these words holy water
I know it burns but its a needed operation cuz
Only bitches talk in innuendo and metaphors in regular conversation
I save that shit for when I'm behind this mic
So if you got something to say, you can come talk to this dyke

3

2008-05-14T15:05:00.001-05:00

I know who I am
Who I was and who I will be
And that fact drives me like a brand new car off the lot
Smooth easy and with no worries
My life was marked by stress-filled flurries of doubt, desperation and deceit
Crumbling under the weight of 3
It took some time but now I see
That all I needed was a little time with I, myself and me
A triad of power and self-awareness
It's why I only eat with forks
You can't get me to look into the distorted view of a spoon and try to find myself
My reflection upside down
Confusing my psyche and putting me in a permanent head stand
Sending the blood rushing to my brain and making me dizzy
Unconscious
I release your hold on me
Break my glasses in two because these bitches hinder me from seeing the truth
Wearing man's perception of reality on my face like a fashion statement
Screaming I don't know you
Or who I am
I'm transitioning like lenses led by the sun and God's raw energy
and I know who I am
Who I was and who I will be
My destiny became clear to me like stars in a dark, polluted sky
Like 3 stars in Orion's belt
O the simplicity
I smile through my childlike eyes and hum a tune that's dear to me
3 is a magic number, Yes it is
It's a magic number

Fantasy World

2008-05-14T14:59:00.001-05:00

It's warm in your world of lollipops and candy canes
Beautiful daughters who bear your name
Your likeness and your claim to fame
See but its a fuckin' shame
Your world isn't reality
Because here
on Earth
Ex-wives move on
That first son you wanted is born without a slong
Irresponsibility forces you to sing the same 'ol song of
It wasn't me
And still you decide to spread your seed
Let baby mama do all the harvesting
But you want credit when it lasts through all four seasons
A game of hide and go seek
Where you disappear in the darkness, promising brief blinks
But glueing my eyes shut so I couldn't peek
As you took care of the family three blocks up the street
See its bright in your world
Where the sun doesn't set
And broken promises are easy to forget
Four to six hours is quality time yet
That's some shit I can't accept because
Your world isn't reality
Here
On Earth
There's a big difference between daddy and father
Standing behind a pulpit can still make you a follower
And if you're not gonna listen to comprehend, then I won't even bother
I make it plain
I am me
Reverend I'm not made in your image, I'm made in He
Even if we share the same eyes and cheeks
You're not gonna sell that bullshit to me
I need you to see
That your world of daisies and roses
Is full of minds that remain forever closed
Oblivious to truth, deception and lies
Because you choose to dine on superficial alibis
But you vomit whenever I ask Why
See the reality is
You weren't there
And you don't wanna be there
Cuz you like your warm world
Of lollipops and candy canes
Beautiful daughters who bear your name
Your likeness and your claim to fame
But see its a fuckin' shame
That you won't come out and play

Ode

2008-04-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

There are not many times in life when you are reborn
But I was
Baptized in the eternal fire of poetic waters
Brought to the promised land by anointed saints touched by the hands of God
Who also blessed them with golden tongues
I was lucky
To have seen the light at such a young age
And to be cultivated by such talented mentors and teachers
Who passed down their knowledge, their passion to this youth
Their methods may have been uncouth
Speaking of zombies, feet, breath, wars, sex-hungry politicians, tangents and butterflyz
But the message got through
And on every stop my journey it became clearer to me
What my true purpose is
An urban Jasmine climbing the palace walls to reach her destiny
Guided along the way by a quirky cast of characters
Because I couldn't do it all by myself
I needed Him and you
So to Coco Fire, Alley Cat, Suga Sweet
Tony Rich, Lord Abraham, Seth and DEEP
Crow, Christopher-Michael, Mr. Nsatiable and Shake
PS, Dough, UN and Scorp
I say thank you for providing a sturdy safety net
Something to believe in when reality had me down
And providing me a lifeline
Cause spoken word saved my life

Back in the Day

2008-04-07T10:16:00.000-05:00

Remember back in the day when you used to eat whatever your friend told you to
I had a friend who polished off a huge bush of honeysuckle flowers because he was CONVINCED
They tasted like honey
In its purest form
And in our purest form our logic was
"Well, he ain't dead
He's stronger than me and runs faster than me."
So you did it.
You closed your eyes and ate that daisy because
It's just a flower right?
Your diet consisted of sour pickles with jolly ranchers jammed in the middle
Big bags of red Kool-Aid that never failed to turn your fingers colors
Oatmeal treats and windmill cookies
Fruit Roll-Ups wrapped around thumbs to suck like 10-year-old babies
And you never got sick
You'd cry if your mom told you you couldn't go outside
And now
We are so paranoid that we wouldn't go outside if quarters rained from the sky
Because the dents they would leave in your cars reminded you of acid rain
People are so afraid of the littlest things
We tend to believe the rich folks
My friend is CONVINCED that he has plastic deposits in his body
Because Oprah said
That when you reuse disposable water bottles, you ingest some amounts of plastic depending on the level used
Well I don't know about you
But I WANT plastic
Our immune systems would be impenetrable if everybody
just ate
a little
plastic
Studies come out everyday saying things you used to do as a child probably brings on cancer
Cats prevent heart attacks
Too much sunlight is bad for your skin
Seems like scientists have us picking daises from our memories, making us hypochondriacs of what we used to be
I fear them more than I fear the media
Because scientists can use them big words, confuse you and shit
To keep you CONVINCED that that scientific bullshit is truth
Surgically removing our youth
But I will continue to swallow orange seeds
Hoping fruit will sprout from my ear lobes like citrus jewelry
Because I hate going under the knife
Operations give me too much strife
And I like living my life
Like its back in the day and I'm eating
Whatever my friend told me to

Sick

2008-04-07T10:15:00.003-05:00

I woke up last night
Covered in sweat
Fever, sneezing, coughing
I was sick, without you by my side
To my right is where you normally reside
So when you're not there I can't hide
That I miss you
Like grandma's big purse I wonder that you have for me
What succulent treats and nutritious eats await me when I'm with you
I know you have them
But you dole them out evenly like lunchtime snacks
And I devour them quickly
I try to eat slow cause, go too fast and I'll forget to savor
Your rich, creamy, addictive flavor
You got me talking with a lisp
Turning my th's to v's
Singing Ooo oh oh I can't BREAVE
I tried to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve
But it always did think it was cute when couples dressed alike
I'm not ashamed that you got my nose more open than a 7-11
Might as well be Chris Rock's little sister
But the way I feel is no joke
A prolonged absence makes my throat tight and I choke
I get the sniffles, hives and the shakes
I get sick

Wonder Woman

2008-04-07T10:15:00.001-05:00

What if Wonder Woman had a kid?
A single parent after fuckin' the Flash
Didn't try to make it work cuz she knew it wouldn't last
But still kept the baby despite giving up her free pass
At life
Plenty of things she wanted to do
Visit Krypton, learn that laser eye beam shit
But she can't do everything on her list
And Bat Girl can't babysit every chance she get
So she's stuck
Using her super strength to fight off runny noses
Using her lasso to keep a hyper kid close
And dressing down for PTA meetings
And she loved that gold bra
It made her feel like a superstar
It now hangs in the back of her closet
Her zest for life she already lost it
Secretly blaming the kid for the life she's been through
Now imagine that that child was you
And you don't have superpowers
Just a smart mouth, a pen and a lonely spirit
Because while mom is fighting crime from 9 to 5
And on the weekends still trying to grind
You gotta feed, teach and entertain yourself most of the time
And you feel bad cause Mom's happiness has disappeared
But fuck, you ain't ask to be here
All you want is love but you can't get that because
You gotta split time with Uncle Cyclops, Uncle Wolverine and Uncle Gambit
But please believe that bullshit, Wonder Woman ain't having it
Any kinda bullshit
Bad grades, lost keys, back talk, cut up in school
Don't try to hide that shit cause Wonder Woman ain't no fool
She'll use that lasso as a switch and get in your muthafuckin' shit
Whether you really do or really don't deserve that shit
But I digress its not as bad as it sounds
Plenty of food and Super Friends around
It's a wonder this woman survived like she did
But it ain't that bad being a superhero kid

Daddy's Girl

2008-03-24T09:53:00.001-05:00

I look just like you
Your nose, your cheekbones, your forehead I stole
Carbon-copied and claimed as my own
Even if you took a sample of my DNA
And made a female five inches shorter
50 pounds lighter and wit hair longer there's no way
It would look more like you than I do
And I hated you
Cursed the mirror because this face reminds me of you
And how much you weren't around
Prayed for a broken ankle, sprained knee, torn ACL
So my steps could be altered by boot or crutch
And I wouldn't walk like you
I turned my nose up at people who had dads
Fanatical dads who attended basketball games wearing jersey shirts
Screaming at refs and calling out plays
"You gotta shoot the ball!"
Protective dads who chase niggas away on first dates
With promises of fake shotguns and ass kickings
"You touch my daughter and they will never find your body."
I cried because I knew I had a special kind of dad
A victim dad who makes it sound like an 11-year-old girl's fault that they haven't spoken in months
"Why haven't you called your daddy?"
You made me hate Six Flags
The thought of having to willfully endure another rollercoaster ride
That left me hanging and pushed me to the brink of tears
Sent traumatic chills up my spine
The sad thing is every aspect of myself that I cherish dearly
Originated paternally
My tenacious spirit, my determination
My slight ADD that constantly keeps me busy
I mean, who woulda known my umbilical cord would become the microphone cord
That ties us together with the same tone
The same diction
The same voice
The same animation
No, I don't preach in churches but I do feed words to the masses
Just like you
By the time I was 16, I figured it was easier to just stare at a mirror
Or my own shadow if I wanted to see you
And now
With you all in my face it seems like I can't get enough of your features
Those dimples, those laughlines, those ears
I guess I gotta accept that something more than my name
Makes me a Daddy's Girl

I think of prayers like text messages

2008-03-12T09:37:00.001-05:00

I think of prayers like text messages
Like God has a separate Blackberry Pearl that receives texts asking for mercy and singing praises
He gets those forward texts too
Send to 8 people
If you deny Him now He will deny you later
See I prefer to text God casually
So like old friends I thought nothing of it when I described you to Him
The perfect accompaniment to the spoken word of my life
We would vibe like magazines and have a run just as long
I would see the beauty in their soul
And they would see the possibility in loving me
I didn't know He made custom orders
Overnight delivery casually wrapped in packing peanuts and bubble wrap
All I had to do was sign
I love you on the dotted line
I sent Him a text
Said God will you send me an angel today?
The epitome of sensuality and able to love me intellectually
The tap on my shoulder was the UPS man
Miss I have a package for you
Even though I text him often
I never expect a response because I know His phone blows up on the daily
But that day, He responded
I think of prayers like text messages
And blessings as replies
Either I had my phone on silent or vibrate deep in my purse
But I didn't get it
Until much later
I read it and cried, took the pen and signed on the dotted line
God smiled, laughed and my message read
What can Brown do for you?

Days

2008-03-07T13:26:00.001-06:00

My days without you
Aren't days at all
the sky may brighten
But the moon doesn't fall
The sun may come up
But I stay down
Because for six straight days
You haven't come around
My life is much clearer
Since you came into my line sight
See your third eyesight
Is much better than mine's right
Your wisdom tugs at my heart strings
Pullin' the lines real tight
You must be an acrobat
Cause you got me wanting to take flight
And soar
Your absence leaves me yearning for more
My love overflows
It won't allow me to slow pour
My emotions running marathons at quick paces
I wanna be in your spaces
I wanna be able to taste your thoughts
And caress your inner being
Put saline solution on your third eye
When it gets irritated, red and dry
Because you need to be seeing
I stay closed from head to toe
Only your presence will reopen me
My nights without you
Seem lifetimes long
The minutes last for eras
the seconds last for eons
The stars must only illuminate
Behind my back
Because I turn around
And the sky fades to black
And stays black
My ears have no use
If your eyes can't talk to me
I'd mail you my skin
Just so you can feel me
Because if I have to go another day
Without a piece of you in my presence
I might as well be in prison
Serving consecutive life sentences

Sappy Love Poem

2008-03-06T09:32:00.000-06:00

This isn't one of those sappy love poems
One of those "Your kisses are sweeter than candy" type poems
I mean . . . they are
Like the Purple Fun Dip powder that you eat with the white stick
And you try your damnedest to get the last little bit out of the corner of the bag
Then you eat that stick even though you'll probably get diabetes because it's basically sugar
But this ain't one of those poems
Because I don't write those "I love you this much" poems
I mean, I do
Love you enough to rub lotion on your crusty ass feet
And then take the pumice stone and scrape away the 236 layers of dead skin on your heel
Even clip the thick, yellow, eagle talon toenails - not because the lacerations on my calves need time to heal - but because I love you that much
But this ain't one of those poems
I'd say this is more of a secret ode type poem
A Budweiser poem - This one's for you
Because I don't usually pen my emotions
I don't need to for you to comprehend my love
I show you
with smiles and giggles
Cooked food and teenage wiggles
If I could
I'd write your name on the stratosphere
With the exhaust smoke of 1,000 Leers
Then fly you to the moon so you could see that
YOU ARE MY WORLD
But until God blesses me enough to do so
I'll scribe your name on my heart with Sharpie and Magic Marker
Because surely
It's magic what you've done to me
And this may sound like a sappy love poem
But dammit
Your love makes me wanna put Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth out of business
Because everyone in the world should be able to taste
What being in love with you is like

What does the P stand for?

2008-03-05T00:18:00.000-06:00

Someone asked me the other day
What does the P stand for?
I have the standard answer I coulda thrown their way
"My father named me Princess so he could always say I was
So I guess that's what the P in P-Dub stands for"
But I wanted to give her more
So I thought in my head
A few months ago on my death bed
The doctor told me I needed a transfusion
They took all the tests and out came confusion
Because no one in my family matched
Dad type O, Mom AB
But me, it seemed what I needed was type P
A fully saturated, fresh batch of liquid poetry
That was one option I could relay
Or I could say
I wanna be everyone's hero
Giving $200 before you pass go
And after, for years I've done this
So the P in P-Dub stands for protagonist
I first learned about them in high school English class
Beowulf, Frodo and Tom Sawyer's young ass
All have a lot in common with me
It came naturally to precede Dub with a P
But see
All that makes me sound elevated
Like I'm King Shit forever being hated
I haven't reached the top of the game, I'm still far away
So that P is potential because I grow every day

Lonely Road

2008-02-25T15:41:00.000-06:00

I don't walk
So I find other ways to travel this lonely road
It's lonely because
You can't fit an SUV down a dirt path
There are no HOV lanes, just single occupancy one-way
And I tend not to carry things
I listened to Badu when she told me to
Pack Light
So 23% of the time I bike
46% of the time I push my Nike's
And once my deck comes in the mail
I'll be Kick Pushin' like Lupe Fiasco
Alone
It gets a little hard to ride by myself
But I sing along to the music and revel in the fact that I can exit whenever I please
Wherever I please and even drive recklessly
Because that's the benefit of being me
Not entirely comfortable with playing Lynn to your Toni, Joan and Maya
But Girlfriend
Life is Good
Even during the lonely times
When it gets dark and the trees look like monsters
Every noise sounds like the Boogeyman and my headlights don't brighten winding road in front
I know that if need be
I can close my eyes, go as fast as I can and outrun whatever scares me
Most people can't do that
Especially not with passengers
So I travel this lonely road like its my destiny
Refusing to ask for directions and being proud of my decision to go right
When everyone else
Went left

Win for losing

2008-02-25T15:35:00.000-06:00

I can't win for losing with you
I love you and you love me, too, but you can't
Be with me
You're not into Tom Cruise so you don't like Risky Business
But I coulda swore that last chick was Top Gunnin'
Continuously singing Tank's Please Don't Go
And you surprised that the second time around
The remix, if you will
It was genuine, now she singing Ginuwine's verse
But I've always been real
For you I wore my heart on my sleeve but you ain't care
You told me I could gone head brush my shoulders off
Wipe me down
Do what you do but watch my shoes
"Oh it's like that?"
"Yeah, it's like that. . ."
You are my personal 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle
I have the pieces and I take the time to put a section of you together
But chasing the dream of a picture perfect connection never fails to wear me out
I can't win for losing with you
I promised to never write a poem about a person but I couldn't say no
To your tone
Typed in lowercased letters with z's instead of s's and smiley faces to let me know you j/p
Just playing
And now I can't even look at the shit
Blessed with the dopest metaphor ever in the history of metaphors but cursed with the Scarlet letter of your initials
I wanna be over it
Over you and these Milton-Bradley games you play with my LIFE
I tried too many times to pick up your heart and claim it as my own and been unsuccessful
This Operation looked so simple but I keep getting buzzed and touching the sides
Besides
It's about time I take it as a loss
And for you to take me as a loss
Because all this winning and losing
Yea, I'm through

DUB Sack

2008-02-17T11:47:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the trap houze
I know just what you need
A nice fat DUB sack & I ain't talking bout weed
Little prepackaged pieces of me neatly wrapped & rolled in thin paper
My shit's potent
My lyrical imagery will have you thinking your 3rd eye is on acid
Seeing different colors and spots like you popped some shrooms
Yea ya girl's a beast
And this ain't even X-Men
Got a plethora of topics like Jeopardy
More lines than a pack of notebook paper
Poems have more references than a library
You couldn't get some of my similes & metaphors
If they fell out the sky in a wooden crate with a parachute attached
I could run GS
Me & my army of Ghetto Souldiers
Cause my flow can be nasty like heavy menstruation
So fuck showcasing
I'm livin' my LIFE like its GOLDEN
Cause let's face it
In a showcase showdown
I'd take home the boat, the dining room set, the TV, the car and the trip to Beijing
Have you youngstas looking up to me like my name was Yao Ming
The OGs givin' me respect & the hatas runnin' in fear
Cause that first hit can be scary
So I suggest you take small hits first
Start from the beginning
& by the time you get halfway through, you'll be so high
Your shit will taste like dirt weed
Cause I don't fuck with that Reggie
I been blowing that KUSH since the first President BUSH was in office
They call me P-Dub for a reason

Liquid Courage

2008-02-17T11:46:00.001-06:00

She was tired of the fights
The arguments and embarrassing moments in front of company
Perfect gentlemen without it
Funny, charismatic and outgoing any other day
But they still felt they needed their
Liquid Courage
In 8, 12 and 24 oz cans
40 oz bottles and a variety of longnecks
Livin' in a perverted version of the Wizard of Oz
Where the three men closest to her all wanted courage
And Dorothy? She wished for a good home
With no man behind the curtain
They all turned to alcohol
Even the lightweight Scarecrow had Mike's Hard Lemonade
And it left the sweet, hometown girl jaded
Through with the fake facades and insecurities
Thinly veiled under beer breath and shot glasses
Fighting Bud and bud for a normal night out
Her courage was solid
Though her patience waned
She couldn't understand how people needed a drink to be real
Forced with a difficult decision, she cut 'em off
Like the jagged side of ripped out spiral paper
Because liquids don't ever last long
Evaporation . . . .Condensation
They eventually dissipates
As does their chemistry

Underestimation (Dub's Falsetto)

2008-02-13T22:48:00.000-06:00

*parts of this will be sung, as indicated in the correct places*

He whispered in my ear, "Lil' mama, think you can handle all this dick?"
I thought, "You ain't know by the way I move my hips?"
Guess not
So I just leaned over and whispered, "Huh, nigga shit....
You know that song Falsetto? Well 'P-Dub' didn't rhyme
But I let him use that high note cause I hear it all the time."
I could see it in his eyes, I was dealing with a skeptic
He wasn't gone be convinced til this little mama wrecked it
Sometimes I wish my car could talk
V's a down ass bitch
She'd tell this nigga that I'm not one to be messed wit
But she can't & he ain't know
I ain't wanna fuck his world up so I decided to start off slow
I gave him some SUPER HEAD
He thought I was SUPERHEAD
His face was SUPER RED
and we ain't made it TO THE BED
*singing*
But I wasn't gone show you up
I let him put his thing down
He's deep off in my pussy
This nigga's really tryna clown
*spoken*
And I ain't gon' front, Daddy knew the business
I'm the type of girl, YOU KNOW every time I finish
And the race just started, he had the early lead
But I knew once I did my thang, I'd catch up quick INDEED
He started out with some deep moans
And since I don't send niggas home
Unsatisfied
I grabbed the reins, did my thang and pretty soon
*singing*
He said I feel like his very first time
I said I know cause I heard you the first time
Ridin'. . . ridin'. . . ridin'. . . baby
His face was hidin'. . . slidin'. . . I was making him crazy
Baby. . . Princess. . . Do it. . . do it
Ooo. . .oooh. . . oo. . . OO!
It was all over I let him come back down (Woosa!)
Poor baby wasn't ready for this crown (Boo ya!)
I said that skinny bitches can FUCK YOU UP!
*spoken*
And I just gave you a sample
I got plenty of flavors like Snapple
But this 7-11 is now closed
I'mma need you to get your clothes
And wait til you ears pop
Cause wit them high notes
The ringing in your ears never stops

UNcredible

2008-02-13T22:47:00.002-06:00

A beautiful woman sat alone in a cafe
The light from her soul dimmed
An opened notebook and pen lay before her
Tears slowly fell down her cheeks
I approached and asked "Babygirl, why do you cry?"
She said, "My pen has ran out of ink."
I tried to lend her mine and she smiled
"No, you miss UNderstand. My Bic is new but my pen is dry.
I no longer have the desire to write, and I don't know why."
She went on to explain that she felt her words didn't touch anymore
When she read, she no longer heard feet tapping on the floor
Snaps in the air or shouts of "Encore!"
The love she used to feel from her poetic family that used to come in droves
had slowed to a drip and she couldn't take it no more
Saddened I pulled up a chair and shed a tear
And maddened I grabbed her pen and took it apart
And I explained
"You should never write for acclaim
Fame should never be your aim
Poetry heals all, not superficial applause
Like Smokey said on Friday God put this here for YOU
And though the world may not show its appreciation
Always know that your words have touched one if no one else
YOURSELF
As for this pen, out should flow creativity, passion, pain
And so I shall fill it with things that will inspire you again."
After a short while, I returned to my seat with a refilled utensil
"Inside I've placed sunshine, sweet music, darkness and the tears from a child
A few butterfly kisses, the essence of sex and a little bit of everything else"
Delighted, enlightened and her 3rd eye's vision heightened
She gently tapped the pen to mix its contents
I saw her light grow brighter
I knew this one was a fighter
And I left her to her renewed fire
But before my hand sounded the bells on the door
I turned and said, "Always remember, you are UNcredible."

He called me nigga today

2008-02-13T22:47:00.001-06:00

A white boy called me nigger today
Said with such hatred in his eyes
And 400 years of oppression in his voice
He called me nigger
With a devilish grin because he could see
That another racist dagger had left a wound on my soul
I could hear my mother say “Just smile & nod” and so I did
Forced the expression on my face & walked away stunned because
A white boy called me niggar today
Said with such longing in his eyes
And 15 years of envy in his voice
He called me niggar
With a sheepish grin because he could see
That another wannabe had left an impression on my mind
I could hear my friend say “Just smile & nod” and so I did
Forced the expression on my face & walked away shocked because
A black boy called me nigga today
Said with such love in his eyes
And 20 years of ignorance in his voice
He called me nigga
With a mean mug because he could see
That another blind youth had left a bruise on my heart
I said to myself “Just smile & nod” and so I did
Forced the expression on my face & he walked away bewildered because
I didn’t say it back

Southern Swagga. . Groupies Pt. 2

2008-02-13T22:45:00.000-06:00

This is a collabo I did with a woman named prettysugar10 that I met on GSPoetry.com. It has become my new addiction.

(got a lil' sumthin' special fa them groupies, no one in particular. . . .check this Southern swag. . . . tag team on them bitches. . .

Now I don't usually do this, I hate havin' to roast
Cause I tend to fry bitches quicker than French toast
But I hate you A-B-A-B punk ass lames
& if I had enough space, I'd say all ya fuckin' names
Cause I don't give a fuck, who the hell R U?
You 17? Bitch I'm finna be 22!!
Get back young'un, soundin' like white girls
"hey there p-dub girl, hey how you doin
can you come through my page and read one of my poems
its called i loved you most please comment and rate
and i promise one day I'll come do the same"
Oh really? Well appreciate that, just what I need
Another children's book my little nephew can read
& fully understand so I'll be sure
To print all your shit so he can take it to school
Oh I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm bein' so rude
My name's P-Dub & my poetry. . .HA. . . is prolly much better than U
This Dallas-bred chick has plenty skill
Plenty dough, plenty hoes & is plenty fuckin' ill
Called Bun-B up & he said I'm pretty fuckin' trill
So I only got 1 question. . . PS. . .
WHAT'S THE DAMN DEAL?

prettysugar10:

(Tag!!!! Im it!! fuckit I gots to diss)
P-Dub its a muthafunkin trip how groupies be starting shit
wit a fly southern ass Bitch!
gettin offended by the Texas Swagga i represent
Aye its in my Nature to keep it trill
I texted Message the Birdman to get advise on
how to handle hatin ass, crispy, burned, bread, bitches...
he laughed and spoke real shit
talkin bout " Pretty, Its the life of a OG, feed dem hoez knowledge then
breakem off wit yo southern Hospitality.....
What does it take to get respect??
because " treat others with the same" is a overated peace phrase/bullshit!
so I do wat I do
not givin a fuc...

about DEZ barcode bitcheZ,
wit lines" Diseased and fuck'd up"...

imma keep scanning you hoez with or without
permission...
P-Dub get crunk cause P10 is on a mission!
(((((((((( oh yeah Pay respect to our BIg Bro PIMP C )))))))))) gettin em P!!!

P-Dub:

Ya'll ain't know that P-dub can get a little vicious
Like a wife catchin' her husband in bed wit a younger mistress
Well don't get it twisted, don't let this small build fool ya
I'll cut you up & cut you out like a brain tumor
My diss comes like my kicks bitch. . . quick like Chun Li
I'll PERFECT ya ass before you can press A-B
UP DOWN X Y Left & the R BUTTON
I know U wanna talk but hoe U ain't got nothin'
Me & my girl don't fuck wit dem young broke bitches
We only fuck wit dem on dey dough bitches
Like me broad
I'mma fuckin' professional role model
I'm the type of example you need to be tryin' to follow
A lady pimp in the bed & in the fuckin' streets
Have you givin' me head & rubbin' my feet
This Southern swag all up in ya area
Now PS gon' put that Southern-style fear in ya

prettysugar10:

^^^ DIZAM P! got dem Niggahs rubbin da feet... mmmmmm lil mamma you just like me!!!!^^^
but bac to dat biz dez
straight off the hook
you mofo's are my worms
unready to get hooked!
so now P-Dub im fishin wit dez cartoonin ass bitchez
Seasoning my Rhymes wit Potent uncut Creditable live wire electric,
internet pitches.....

I love the south!!
if I wasnt a professional I probably have gold teeth N my mouth
so when you go out ur "useless" way to put my city down..
remember 1 thang
da south iz our history's stompin ground.....
Remember old Harriot T.
she helped your Ancestors
flee to where they wanted to be...
(free)
Im let you forgetful niggas slide this time
but absent mindly forget your Originality again
Im give ya a hard Mouthafuckin time wit my GS PEN!!!!
Tag P!! gettem were it hurts!

P-Dub:

I came in quietly 2 da GS fam
Posted a few lines so U can know who I am
Dem internet groupies follow me everywhere I go
Is it cause through dey screen dey can smell my dough?
Or does my magnetic flow make it so dey can't leave?
I ain't a magician but I got tricks up my sleeve
& my name ain't Swisher Sweet but I am pretty blunt
& I'll point out ALL bitch niggas & stupid cunts
I might look at your piece, but I def won't comment
If your wordplay or rhyme scheme made me wanna vomit
First impressions wit me are everything & if U blew it
Don't bother typin' to me & pushin' Submit
& whoever sent me the message simply read "you ugly"
Nigga you 15 so you can't do nothin' fa me
& while you prolly cryin' cause ya dick can't get hard
I'll be over here on my fuckin' job
& whoever got beef with my girl PS
Directly or indirectly causin' her stress
Well you just come see me & I bet I can fix
Cause I guess ya forgot
EVERYTHING'S BETTER IN TEXAS!!

Lady Pimp

2008-01-28T22:50:00.001-06:00

Am I lady pimp?

Well let’s see

I can talk with a jive and I can dress so clean

And once I’m on, I can’t seem to get ‘em off me

By that definition, I must be a lady pimp

Blame my daddy for making me walk with this limp

His stroll heightened my style

And once I harnessed the power

This Luke Skywalker could bring any galaxy to its knees

I use the force

But my homies call it P-Dub Charisma

The potentials call me PRETTY and my SUGAR’s so sweet

That I left half of Dallas with type 2 diabetes

Some couldn’t handle it

Said they switched to Splenda (YO! LOL)

Oh yes I’mma new breed of chick

Call me Mini-Keke

My style slays ‘em like dragons

My smile lays ‘em like I lei’ed ‘em when they got off the plane

Don’t disrespect my flow by calling it game

Because games, you have to practice and sharpen your skill

This lady pimp right here, is naturally ill

Oh shit son

The confidence is brewin’

But don’t blame me, it’s all your doin’

When this lady pimp comes out all hell breaks loose

But I’mma head back inside cause this lady pimp

Is a recluse

Desperate

2008-01-28T22:33:00.001-06:00

I failed you

I wasn’t there for you and you felt the need to do what you thought was right

But wrong in the eyes of the law

Desperate

He said

I’m a 20 year old kid

Trying my hardest to not do what my daddy did

I got three beautiful mouths to feed

And a minimum wage job ain’t what I need

I need money

Not for flashy bling

But so my little girls can have nice things

Like they own room and three separate cribs

Hell just my own place would be what that is

But I got a plan

I been eyeing this bank two blocks up the street

And I think I can take it before the police

Show, but I ain’t got a gun so they all think I’m stupid

But what other choice I got, I’m so fuckin’ desperate

He said

I’m 23 and I ain’t got shit

I ain’t even slipped up and had no kids

No reason to live, just me and my green

And whatever girl that’s around that can put up with me

When I was young I had ambition, shit I wanted to be

I coulda fixed cars or started my own company

No, here I am, wasting away my fuckin’ life

Everywhere I go leavin’ a wake of strife

Now here’s my girl, all in my fuckin’ ear

She won’t shut the fuck up and just get a nigga a beer

Bitch I told you for the last time I don’t wanna hear that, ay

Stop your fuckin’ cryin’

I didn’t mean to hit you, I was just

Desperate

I said

I’m a 21 year old grown ass woman

Just trying to get through life, become something from nothing

Got a hole I been trying to fill with love and

I never stopped to think that it could come from my cousins

The love from my family, a bond never broken

But now, I think I’m too late

Everyday someone either having a kid or sitting in jail

I never thought for a Caldwell this life could be hell

And I never thought for a Cole robbing would be the way

But hey, you learn new shit everyday

So I learned desperation ain’t what that is

And its definitely not how I wanna live

Three Wishes

2008-01-28T22:32:00.001-06:00

I went to a furniture store to buy a lamp, tired of my living room not getting enough light

Took it home to clean and rubbed the beautiful fixture

Then, in a cloud of smoke, outpopped a genie

“I’ll grant you three wishes, but what you gon’ give me?”

I thought hard and said, “What you need?”

Smiling he said, “I’ll think of something.”

I asked for a true love that blinds

And in exchange he took my individuality

I asked to be pretty and snickering he gave me

But not until he took my sensibility

Before the third wish I sat back and thought, “Is it really worth this?”

My soul was getting pale and sick

Even my hair was no longer thick

I asked, “What do I have to give for a relationship with my family?”

He replied, “That, cutie pie, will cost you your dignity.”

Too big of a price to pay, I exclaimed “Then for my final wish and please make it true

I wanna get all my shit back from you

All that ain’t worth the death of my soul

Young niggas do the bullshit and I swear I’m too old”

He granted me the wish and I gave him the finger

And that’s the last time I buy a cheap light fixture

Black backpack

2008-01-22T11:42:00.000-06:00

I saw him today
Black backpack
I don't know his name yet because its only been three days so
I just call him black backpack for now
But there he was
On the other side of the elevator doors
For a second
I thought I pushed heaven instead of number four because
Black Backpack
Is built, looks, smells and sounds like an angel
Hand crafted with God's special stash that he only uses to make men like
Denzel, Will Smith, Blair Underwood
6"1' with caramel skin
Medium build but you can tell his always in the gym because he wears his ID card on a blue lanyard around his neck
A goatee and waves that can take back to early mornings on Galveston Island
His eyes? Little light brown M&M's
And I have been craving chocolate like I'm eight months pregnant with swollen feet
Yep black backpack is my daily Red Bull
Caffeine-free and guaranteed to put a spring in my step with a single quarter-second look
Today, as we crossed paths for the fifth time in three days
His shoulder grazed my shoulder and for a second
A million images raced through my brain of
Long walks, hugs, talks, kisses, smiles, grazes, touches, rubs, mornings, nights, soft grazes and softer phrases
I heard him say "Excuse me" with sincerity
And my response "It's ok" was lost in the whirr of the elevator doors
Black backpack
I wish I knew his name

That's just me

2008-01-16T11:18:00.001-06:00

*This poem says a lot of the stuff that I've been wanting to say for a while, especially for all the people that secretly check for me, or wonder why I do the things/wear the things I do. I'm confident enough in myself to post this. So you can either dig it or suck it easy!

The girl who you thought I was yesterday
I am her thoroughly
And who you thought I was last Tuesday
I am her, too, truly
I am me
I live by my own rules
Unconstrained by society I do my thang
Spike Lee calls me Mookie cause I Do the Right Thing
Which is me
I don't fit into your little boxes
This ain't Weeds
To most people my way is confusing
Well, that's just me
But here's a cheat sheet if you just have to ask
You'll be tested everyday so I hope you pass
And for your convenience I even added a beat
So you can follow along, if you need to tap your feet
I rock a billed beanie and studded belt for a punk rock feel
Throw on my white AF1s and matching hat so I can keep it real
Got a padded bra and mini skirt if I feel like sluttin'
Need some shades to match my ice for when I feel like stuntin'
Funny thing is when I go home all this shit comes off
And I'm still a person with independent thought
Because you're supposed to make the clothes, not clothes make you
And don't like and say they don't because you know they do
And these clothes don't make P-Dub, just in case you were thinkin'
That my collection of fedoras means I'm pimpin'
Or my baggy jeans and blazers mean I be lickin'
I see you lookin' at me sayin' this girl is trippin'
Don't get me wrong now, I don't mind the looks
I just wish while you turn your head you could turn on them books
You can get an education in classes and in the streets
I hope this poem gives you a little education on me

My poetry

2008-01-15T12:36:00.000-06:00

My poetry works through me
Like a portal from my subconscious and unconscious
That finds a small exit at the end of my pencil lead
It leads me
There are times when I don’t travel the portal often
Scared of what’s on the other side
But every time I step through its magnet grip
And my mind is stretched and bent similar to a cartoon
I come out a better person
Unknowingly
Sometimes it’s deep
Filled with heat like
“I don’t think I was born underwater with three dollars and six dimes
But I can loan you a dub and 16 nickels to buy a ticket out the past
Now get that!”
And sometimes
Real talk
It’s straight bullshit
But it’s all me
All my poetry

Falling

2008-01-15T12:29:00.000-06:00

If a heart can break
When you fall in love
Un-cushioned by the one you love
Thought heaven sent from above
Then how many times can you fix it?
Because I've searched and searched for the right glue
The right U
That would come along
And repair my heart's broken pieces
I've tried by myself and I'm getting pretty close
But I always find
Like a jigsaw puzzle
A few pieces missing
I've concluded that when I fall
And my heart shatters
You each take a little piece for yourself
Which is your place
Maybe its on your mantle above your fireplace
I don't grudge on my missing shard
Little Nan-shaped, Ru-shaped, Book-shaped shards
I just wonder how I'm supposed to put my heart back together
If all the pieces I need are so far apart
Does that mean I shouldn't fall?
Does that keep you standing tall?
Because me
I'm not scared, but apprehensive
That's all

Groupies

2007-12-13T16:34:00.001-06:00

I’m not famous, though I will be
But it’s neva 2 late, to have a few groupies
Ya’ll call ‘em hataz but I’m on the positive
Cuz only hataz wanna know exactly how you live
What cars you got & the style you wear
When most niggaz just really don’t care
Groupies come in all shapes, sizes and colors
Literal & metaphorical dick suckas
Or pussy lickas, whicheva they prefer
But they all got Chingy syndrome, dey like da way you do dat right thurr
Had a groupie once whom I called Gwen
She followed me like a puppy & always paid fa my Hen
In the club she did her thang but she got no props
Cuz the way I moved it made the niggaz stop
Her face scrunched up like her thong got torn
& from that day on a groupie was born
Then I had a groupie of a different sort
He was kinda odd & I met him at work
Looked like a rat and it fit the descript
Because every day he was watchin’ my shit
Goin’ back and tellin’ the boss all my biz
I just smiled like JK, sayin’ ‘That’z what dat iz’
Cuz dem groupies ain’t gon hurt ya, they just want some love
That’s why they hand check like Gary the Glove
So this goes out to all the groupies on my coat
I hope, like my cum, you never get my name out ya throat

A crush

2007-12-05T00:43:00.001-06:00

I'm crushing on you
And I don't crush
But at night, I'm Janet Jackson-ing
Oh yes. . . .I'm missing you much
And in the day my goosebumps
Remind me of your touch
And when I see you
My mind fills to the brim with lust
My heart fills with love
But I'm just crushing on you
So make that a like
Surprised that someone like you
Would even be my type
I'm hoping I can be
Whatever you lack
Wanna get high, baby?
I'll be your dub sack
Dem scavengin' niggas
I tell 'em to bag back
Cause this I have for you
Is exactly where its at
And you have
Exactly what I need
Living without you
Is like living with a disease
Where my heart starts to sweat
And my soul begins to bleed
And every time I think of you
I can't help but sneeze
Only you can make it better
Your smile holds the cure
Something so sweet,
Genuine, easy and pure
Makes my heart, mind
And soul just soar
But I don't wanna get too serious
I'm just spitting the truth
And that is the simple fact
That I'm crushing on you

Teenage Love Affair

2007-11-20T13:41:00.000-06:00

*inspired by Alicia Keys' "Teenage Love Affair"
**I wanted a picture of some high school black kids, but this was the best I could get

If I had the choice, I would go back in time
And love you on some high school shit
I wanna walk way outta my way just to see you before class
Spend my day writing love notes to pass
I wanna make my friends sick with our inside jokes and infectious love
143s and 831s
If its puppy love, then let's be dalmatians
I play Perdita, be my Pongo
Counting 101 reasons to be together
Despite Cruella de Vil
Something so innocent, pure and sweet
Something you can't get off the street
I wanna blush at the thought of you thinking of me thinking of us
Sneak off with you after school and miss my fuckin' bus
I wanna put my first and your surname together, making sure it don't sound wack
Buying notebooks for the sole purpose of writing our initials on the back
A beautiful thing when you hold my hand
Hearin' "Nah, she's not my girl, that there's my woman"
I giggle when you smile, swoon when you turn away
Wearing you letterman to school everyday
I want to play with the cord while we talk on the phone
Surprised that we stayed on the phone that long
I want to hear your smile, fall asleep on me, too
This is the way I want to love you
Where there is nothing to stop us but time and air
I'm a grown ass woman longing for a teenage love affair

Poetic Struggle

2007-11-09T20:48:00.000-06:00

She knows it's time
So she grabs her pen ready to rhyme
& spit venom like snakes
But she's no King Cobra
Wanting to use hard curse words
So that listeners understand her frustration
A few Fuck Yous, Shits and Damns don't fill the void, no
Webster hasn't created a hard enough word
It's a wonder why
She wants to cry, she feels them in the wells of her eyes but they won't fall
They are the only thing in her body holding strong
It's so frustrating she wants to cry
Cry for all the relationships broken or lost all together
Cry for the societal standards pushed on her that she psychologically can't live up to
Fuck the physical
It would feel so good to shed a few tears
Because for once, something would be coming out of her body
Rather than being trapped within
& festering
Clinging to a love affair with words she searches for what she hasn't been given in the flesh
Understanding, reassuring words and unconditional love
For a broken pencil lead & a soul left for dead is a dangerous combination
Unsure of her desire to continue living this life, she contemplates mental suicide
A quick & painless disconnection between her mind & body, consciousness and physical being
Because for too long its felt like while the body reaps the benefits of the victory
Her mind is forced to deal with the clean up
She was always told her not to pick her scabs
But like a pure self-mutilator she eyed those fresh emotional scars as a rebellious way to show those in charge who really ran the show
And so she picked & picked until they bled, crying out for a new pencil lead
She figured the more she did, the sooner the numbness would erase the pain,
But the habit only served to enhance it
Each time creating a new reason to want to take out her own emotions
With a double dose of a No. 2
So she looked down at a blank page
A metaphysical representation of the way she feels inside
& she succumbs to the bittersweet poetry

Forbidden Love

2007-10-26T16:43:00.000-05:00

Baby I have a confession to make
I want you to sit down 'cause this is hard to take, but
Every day I walk out that door
And into the waiting arms of another's warm
Soft embrace
Like Jagged Edge he keeps me laced
We've experienced a lot throughout these years
I never meant to cause you tears
I know you'll be disappointed in me, but
His presence seems to give my life longevity
He's taken me around the world
He's shown me off like I'm his girl
You see
I'm having a love affair with words
I wake up in the morning and wonder what he'll have waiting for me
A bouquet of rhetoric roses
A box of chocolate-covered metaphors
Maybe a mental massage
With him there is never a dull moment
Sometimes he likes to tease me with gentle kisses on my subconscious
Or little nibbles on my imagination
Ooo. . .but when he deep strokes my creativity
That’s when I know he truly loves me
I had plenty of choices but most didn’t last
I dated sports, but every day I’d find him cheating on me
Music was verbally abusive, calling me bitches & hoes
So a relationship with words was the logical way to go
He lets me play Janet and stay in control
For the most part I run the show
But when he has something he needs me to know
He puts it out there with no hesitation
Treats me like my namesake
Love him so much I even take
Pieces of him to work with me
I love it when he’s put together
He’s such a great dresser
So call me a liar or a cheat, but first call me a poet
And these words ensure that you and everyone else knows it

Untitled

2007-09-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

*This one is a little personal, so if you don't know about this situation, you probably shouldn't.

Something in your skin & touch gives me fever
& instant amnesia
My temperature begins to rise, pores begin to sweat
& I forget all the stupid things you've done
Like that time you broke my heart
Jus when our relationship was beginning to start, to bloom
From then on you were doomed
Like a 30-point deficit you had to come from behind
Your coaching skills need work, but the finesse game
You perfected it
And I want it to work
But the things you did, the secrets you hid
Keeps me down deep within
From ever saying the 3 words: Be with me
Because I love you is easy for me & you
That emotion hasn't changed or faded through strife
Even accepting the other woman in your life
Though not in the flesh she stayed in our house
Mary Jane got you higher than my pussy ever could
Each with our own not-so-secret lovers
But I find a big difference in you helping yourself
& me helping others
Then you touch me & for that time everything is even keel
All the problems disappear
& I forget all the stupid things you've done

Warm Feeling

2007-08-19T17:42:00.000-05:00

Have you ever searched for that safe feeling?
The warmth that can only come from a deliberate sense of contentment
Long to be wrapped up in it like you're inside your mother's womb
It's cozy
You think about it often and try as you might you can't find a viable equivalent
Remembering laying on your mother's chest when your tummy ached
Or your tooth hurt, and as she caressed your forehead although the pain didn't go away
Something came and overtook its place
A feeling of warmth
Kinda like the low setting on the oven
Not too high and not too low
Keeps it hot enough and it feels like luxury
I believe that's what we are all searching for
A girl tries to find the feeling all over
In the stores she shops, in the sites she visits and the clubs she frequents
But all she ended up with was too many clothes, too many Myspace friends and a disease she
can't get rid of
See once you leave the womb there's nothing like it
Sure there are plenty of artificials
Sex can give you that warm feeling
So can some drugs
For most, they finally find it at the most inopportune time
Because they don't expect a lethal injection to garner that feeling
So what do you do, when you need that feeling
That coziness like curling up to a warm fire on a cold day
Or hot cocoa down your aching throat
That fetal position ain't getting it anymore
You find it
Wherever you can

Green Eyes

2007-07-19T09:16:00.001-05:00

My eyes are green
Because I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing
To do with your new friend

My eyes are green
Because I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing
To do with your new friend

I can be cordial, speak and play nice
Yeah girl he's a good man but lemme give you some advice
Hold on to that one because he's a rare kind
All the while biting my tongue for what I know in my mind
Is that like yin & yang, interlocking fingers
Ours could be a love that actually lingers
Unknowingly you have touched an unexplored part of heart
Deep in my soul & past my selfish parts
Left at my inhibitions and a slight right at my fears
There lies my true self that I haven't seen in years
And in such a short time you brought it out just like that
So seamless and effortless its like you had a map
But I keep the fact that I want you inside
Truthfully there isn't much else about me that I hide
And I know the same can be said for you and your soul
Because of the music and poetry you've let me hold
I'm not sure if your friend is better for you than I
I just know I wanna give you a try
More than my body my mind is calling for you
Although I gotta admit my hormones are having a say too
I'd love to run my fingers through your locks
Outline with my tongue every single box
Of your stomach until there is no more spit
But above all I want to climax your mind and see, that's just it
Mental over physical is first and foremost
Through the similes and metaphors you boast
That's how you got me like a fish on a hook
And I know she couldn't get some of that stuff if she had an answer book
But my eyes aren't green for jealousy
They represent the greener pastures I hope one day you'll see in me

Word

2007-07-11T16:19:00.001-05:00

Friend
It's a word that gets thrown around more than frisbees in the park
Tossing it back and forth to each other like a hot potato
To the point that it loses its significance
It takes more than a conversation to be called my friend
As it should be for me
It's more than a six-letter word, a introductory greeting or label
It means that you understand why I can be the loudest person you know on Tuesday
But come Wednesday why I don't say a word
You're not surprised when I wear this to this club, and that to that club
To be my friend, the application process is strenous
Fuck that, I discriminate
If you can't handle the heat, then you're not made for this kitchen
Because my life didn't come with A/C so my oven is always on
But the benefits are countless
A friend to me, is a sister in agony
A soldier in war
The power forward to my shooting guard
And I make cuts every couple of seasons
Oh yes, I do waive, playas
Because I take the word very serious
Expect a lot, and you get a lot
Get a lot, and you can give a lot
One hand washes the other
Like a true friend

Number 8

2007-07-06T17:47:00.000-05:00

I can't seem to get you out my mind
You torment me in my dreams with your touch and sweet kisses
I want you
But damn if I can't have you
I know that you want me
Wherever you are
I'm probably tormenting you
With my lips and smile
I wake up and I want you next to me
You don't come around often
But when you do, you latch on and stay a while
Affecting my work and my sleep
I can feel you touch my back and my stomach
Gently caressing my skin until the chill up my spine shocks me back to reality
I want you
I've pushed aside your love for so long, but now
I feen worse than an addict and his dope
I want you
But damn if I can't have you

*off the dome

My First Time

2007-06-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

I don't do much blogging on this Spot, but I just had to write about the first time I got up in front of people and delivered my poetry as spoken word.
Although I didn't make much eye contact, I think I did ok. The people for the most part figured I would speak softly, so my booming voice surprised them a lot.
The feedback I got was very nice. I met a second member of Apotheosis Epidemic, Rap Game Blvd, who made me feel very comfortable. I must say that those guys have been very helpful, open and engaging about their poetry and mine.
Thank you to Teresa, who moderated Poetry Nite at the Mod, for her kind words and soft smiles. Thanks to the audience who endured with me as I stumbled a few times, probably more noticeable to me than them.

Who I Am

2007-06-25T11:03:00.000-05:00

I know you don't the profession I've chose
By the way you squint and turn up your nose
Already you see me as a servant to the man
Who holds us back at every chance he can
Well I'mma let you know that that's not what I'm about
I'm doing this to help my people out
Like Harriet Tubman, when I get to the top I'm coming back
To bring more like mt to help pick up the slack
I know that you're angry at what you see
A black man in handcuffs every time you click on the TV
Or another missing white woman on the front of the paper
When you know there's black families feeling the same anger
& Sadness after their daughter's gone
Disappeared in the night with no clues to go on
I'm working to change that slowly but surely
It's a process you gotta be patient with me
Don't look at me like I'm different than you
Just because at 21 I have a clear view
Of what I want to do wit my life that I hope evolves
Into giving thousands of blacks media management jobs
I'm just like you in this world today
Raised in a single parent home with no father for days
Listening to rappers talk about life
Trying to get by with a spoon when you really need a knife
I can talk the language of my generation
I just choose to speak with a little better pronunciation
That's how you let then know you got a mind
& Ain't just out there smokin' weed and wastin' time
I'm asking us to come together & lift each other up
Eat from one bread & drink from one cup
Stop arguing about people that say we are asleep
When my man right here is just trying to eat
I know that the media controls how we think
I'mma use it to pull my people from the brink
So when you ask me why I want to be a reporter
Well the industry's shady & needs to be taken over

Insecurity

2007-06-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

There is no rehab for it
Yet people struggle with it everyday
My name is Princess and I'm insecure
This strong exterior is a front
But it only happens when you come around
We run into each other in the oddest of places
It's like a drug and every time I run back to it
It calls me
And I find myself curled up in a corner
Tightening the belt and lighting the spoon
Put it straight into my bloodstream
As I sink a little deeper
And I only crave it when you come around
I feel like little middle school girl
Don't wanna be picked to dance first
But damn sure don't wanna be picked last
I think, Am I pretty enough?
Did he ever love me?
Knowing full well the answers are yes
The insecurity eats at me
But only when you come around
Unlike Fantasia, when I see you
I scribble shit like this in my notebook
And I second guess everything
That we ever were
That I ever was & am
I need some rehab

The Third U

2007-06-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

Hi my name is Princess
Now who are you?
Bette yet, which U are you?
Don't understand? Ok let me explain
Most people have a third U that you don't meet 4 a while
The first U is polite & kind
Please, thank you & all that jazz
The second U is a little more bold
Open and trusting with background information
But its that third U
That's the one that gets ya
It can be completely different
Opposite & unpredictable
That's that U I wanna know
So like I said, which U are you?
It took me 15 years to meet D's third U
And my ex C has about four Us
My girl G's third U likes stars under her Us
And me, I'm a little more complex
Instead of me having a third U like U U U
I've got a double U like a W
One extreme to the next
The first U is me, and the second U is me
But unlike most people, who spawn a totally different third U
My Us come together to make a double U
A W
And I'm looking for a q for my W
To lead me and offer anchor if I need it
The X to my Y that complements my U
A Q, not a Que, but a Q
So I'll ask til I know
Which U are you?

Untitled

2007-06-13T17:41:00.001-05:00

opposites attract
& your opposite is extremely attractive
brown & olive skin
a love deep and true within
I think
but we're magnets baby
touch my south to your north
& maybe we can make some chemistry

opposites attract
& your opposite is extremely addictive
straight & wavy hair
your scent is in the air
I think
but its spring baby
pollinate my life with your essence
& maybe we can grow together

opposites attract
& your opposite is extremely seductive
smooth & rough touch
a caress can do so much
I know
but its getting late baby
hold on tight or let it go
I just want you to reach ya plateau

I want you to feel me like I feel you
head in the clouds with my heart in your hands

see opposites attract
& I find your opposite attractive

Badu

2007-06-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

I just had to take time to put this beautiful woman up here because she inspires me so much with my poetry and just everything. She's from South Dallas and I've been to a few of her concerts, hoping to make it out to her free concert for the Dallas Museum of Art.
My cousin Princess was a lounge singer before she died and she used to kick it with Ms. Badu's mom at some South Dallas clubs. That's my Badu connection, lol.

My best friend

2007-06-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

Up on that stage he was a different person
Bearing his heart and his soul with such deliberate passion
Opened up my eyes to what he was trying to become
But he was closer than I think he knew
I was mesmerized by his voice and constant hand gestures and the way he caressed the mic
I think I'm falling for my best friend
He knows that I've kissed enough frogs in my day
Some even talked a good game but all
Ultimately failed to become the prince to this Princess
For him, my curiosity would surely kill me like it always did
I was down to my last life and I couldn't afford to squander it
But MY GOD, up on that stage he was a different person
Showing his sensitivities and leaving his insecurities in the chair next to me
Transitioning into something I had hoped would belong to a future stranger
But he had been closer that I knew
I am in awe of the metaphorical complexities in this original piece he performs
He talks of love, lost and found in the strangest of places
Back to his seat he heads next to me and I congratulate him on a moving performance
I touch his shoulder to let him know I care and watch him sip his iced tea
He smiles at me and I realize the problem is
Kissing frogs in the first place

Lost in the Groove

2007-06-12T12:11:00.000-05:00

There's something innocent about the way you grab my hand
Place it in yours and guide my hips with your right
For those moments our hearts groove to a similar beat
As we dance to the tunes of Maxwell, Musiq and India real smoove
We don't make too much eye contact
Because all we see is the notes
The warmth of the music as it passes through one ear and into our system
Out the other and we're not really listening
We're feeling
Only smooth music can make you feel like this I whisper
And those words get so many responses
Your cheek on my temple, fingertips on the small of my back
As if the up and down motion of your index simulated a nod of your head
And we grooved
Stepped side to side in the middle of the crowd
Got lost in the movements, the feeling
Until there was nothing, in our minds
But everything, in our senses
You can smell the lavender of my hair
I can feel the breath leave your body
And we can hear the same groove, the slow groove
I imagine standing like this forever
Simple steps from left to right with nothing any place else

For all the stupid dudes in the world. . .

2007-06-11T15:48:00.002-05:00

A little humor never hurt anyone. . .

I can't believe you've cone me in this egregious way
Don't look at me, nigga, like you ain't got nothing to say
Speak
Tell me what made you do me like this
No I'm not upset, I'm pissed
Not just because I've been dissed
By YOU of all people
But by the way you went about it
My last ex cheated and he got caught
And after I slashed his tires, shut off his lights and prankcalled his mom
Yea we fought
But we still talk
Laugh about the bowlegged cop and car alarm that wouldn't stop
See he tried to hide his affair
You, you put it all out in the air
He paid me the respect of keeping it a secret
You wrote down everywhere that ya'll went
I didn't have to tail your car or pop up at work
Your Myspace page gave me all the dirt
The girl - Vicki's her name - I don't even hate
But tell me why you put her in your top 8
Above ya sista, and JT, who you been knowing all your life
If anything putting her above ya first baby mama ain't right
I mean come on
Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out
What the four hour trips to Sonic was all about?
Ooo wait
Let's talk about the draws
You know I don't own blue, white and pink Victoria's Secret thongs
Size 16, the bitches was so big I picked 'em up with BBQ tongs
That's just wrong, could you even see them when she had 'em on?
I just don't understand you
But its ok
You can get your things and get gone
First gimme those 2 carat diamond earrings you got on
I bought those
You might wanna call a tow service
Because by now all four of your tires are on flat
And I took them $30,000 rims back
Don't expect your phone to work tomorrow at noon
And I tell ya momma we still cool

Show you my soul

2007-06-11T15:48:00.001-05:00

Hello stranger
I hate to bother you but
I wonder if it would be OK for me to show you my soul
The depth of my well-being
Will that be OK?
Cause see
I've learned through my many travels that I
Tend to bury my soul deep inside my mind
And my heart
Cover the grave and leave it unmarked for no one to find
But a love once told me that
If you bury a soul too deep
And leave it unwatered it cannot grow
So
I stand before you today showing you my soul in hopes that
You will be that smart water
Fully nourished and free of chemicals
I know you thinking, "Why me?" but
You've got this
Purity to you comparable to a fresh mountain creek
And I was just hoping that I could
Show you my soul and you could
Spare some of your water
So that
The next time I bury soul I could irrigate your water
And my contribution would blossom into a field of flowers
And we could be
Strangers no more

Island Oasis

2007-06-11T15:46:00.000-05:00

On a deserted island I sit and I am not afraid
I do not look back
Back at the uncertain
No, I keep my eyes affixed forward
To the waves, the clouds and the sea
In front of me
I watch the deliberateness of the waves
I feel the wind as it glides through every hair on my body
I smell the scent of openness in the sea water
I hear the sound of my indiscretions wiping away
And I am free
I lose myself in this calming oasis
On this deserted island I sit and I am aware
I breathe clearer than ever before
Clearer than my brief stint of asthma ever allowed me to
I observe clearer than ever before
Clearer than my longstanding affair with glasses or my college education ever allowed me to
My senses have heightened to a level I've never experienced
I wonder what I would be like to live out here
On this deserted island
To love out here, to be loved out here, to make love out here
Would your love invariably flow deeper than this ocean before me?
Would the love you make, on this deserted island, be smooth and rhymthic?
I lose myself in these endless possibilities
On this island - my island - I can do anything
And nothing
I can fly effortless like the sea gulls
Flirting with danger
Or I can do nothing
Let the waves wash over me repeatedly until I
Am
Nothing
On this deserted island

Done Fishin'

2007-06-11T15:41:00.000-05:00

Fisherman, you're pathetic
How many lines do you need
to reel that prized catch?
I'm not a fisherman you say?
But I just saw you casting lines all over the dance floor and at the bar
Throwin' out your shitty bait to the insecure flounders
Savin' your best lures for the prettiest salmon
Yea nigga
YOU FISH
With that little tacklebox
Its a wonder you eat at all
I don't stunt your hot dog on a hook
Trust a Gordon's Fisherman I do not
Them muthafuckas are flaky
To catch me, you need more than a big, pretty pole
You need skill, luck and patience
Because the juiciest, rarest and most elusive fish
Are always worth the wait
But don't let me stop you
Those minnows look hungry
Just remember
You'll never feel full until you bring home that
Big, smilin' catfish

Waves

2007-06-11T15:34:00.000-05:00

*To me, this is probably one of the most erotic poems I've ever written. When it was composed, I was sitting on some rocks in Galveston, watching the waves crash back and forth, and, without sounding too childish, I was turned on. Let me know what you think.

The way I want to love you
Is slow and deliberate
I want my love to hit you all at once
Then gently slide up your body
Rocking
Smooth
Until you are subdued
Until that beast inside you is tamed
And content
Content with the ways that I stroke it
Ever so gently
I want you to see my love coming
In the distance
And every once in a while
I want you to scream
Open your mouth and release a sound of submission
Dig your fingers in and let the force build on the surface of you
Don't hold it inside
Let it go and you will be set
Free
And when
You feel like your body can take no more
Relax
For I am here to do all the work
I am the wave

Intro

2007-06-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

This will serve as my personal platform to create and post my original poetry, including past and present work. Feeling less constrained by the eyes of Facebook and Myspace, I hope to post more of personal work.
Check back often.