Poetic Struggle

She knows it's time
So she grabs her pen ready to rhyme
& spit venom like snakes
But she's no King Cobra
Wanting to use hard curse words
So that listeners understand her frustration
A few Fuck Yous, Shits and Damns don't fill the void, no
Webster hasn't created a hard enough word
It's a wonder why
She wants to cry, she feels them in the wells of her eyes but they won't fall
They are the only thing in her body holding strong
It's so frustrating she wants to cry
Cry for all the relationships broken or lost all together
Cry for the societal standards pushed on her that she psychologically can't live up to
Fuck the physical
It would feel so good to shed a few tears
Because for once, something would be coming out of her body
Rather than being trapped within
& festering
Clinging to a love affair with words she searches for what she hasn't been given in the flesh
Understanding, reassuring words and unconditional love
For a broken pencil lead & a soul left for dead is a dangerous combination
Unsure of her desire to continue living this life, she contemplates mental suicide
A quick & painless disconnection between her mind & body, consciousness and physical being
Because for too long its felt like while the body reaps the benefits of the victory
Her mind is forced to deal with the clean up
She was always told her not to pick her scabs
But like a pure self-mutilator she eyed those fresh emotional scars as a rebellious way to show those in charge who really ran the show
And so she picked & picked until they bled, crying out for a new pencil lead
She figured the more she did, the sooner the numbness would erase the pain,
But the habit only served to enhance it
Each time creating a new reason to want to take out her own emotions
With a double dose of a No. 2
So she looked down at a blank page
A metaphysical representation of the way she feels inside
& she succumbs to the bittersweet poetry

Forbidden Love

Baby I have a confession to make
I want you to sit down 'cause this is hard to take, but
Every day I walk out that door
And into the waiting arms of another's warm
Soft embrace
Like Jagged Edge he keeps me laced
We've experienced a lot throughout these years
I never meant to cause you tears
I know you'll be disappointed in me, but
His presence seems to give my life longevity
He's taken me around the world
He's shown me off like I'm his girl
You see
I'm having a love affair with words
I wake up in the morning and wonder what he'll have waiting for me
A bouquet of rhetoric roses
A box of chocolate-covered metaphors
Maybe a mental massage
With him there is never a dull moment
Sometimes he likes to tease me with gentle kisses on my subconscious
Or little nibbles on my imagination
Ooo. . .but when he deep strokes my creativity
That’s when I know he truly loves me
I had plenty of choices but most didn’t last
I dated sports, but every day I’d find him cheating on me
Music was verbally abusive, calling me bitches & hoes
So a relationship with words was the logical way to go
He lets me play Janet and stay in control
For the most part I run the show
But when he has something he needs me to know
He puts it out there with no hesitation
Treats me like my namesake
Love him so much I even take
Pieces of him to work with me
I love it when he’s put together
He’s such a great dresser
So call me a liar or a cheat, but first call me a poet
And these words ensure that you and everyone else knows it

Untitled

*This one is a little personal, so if you don't know about this situation, you probably shouldn't.

Something in your skin & touch gives me fever
& instant amnesia
My temperature begins to rise, pores begin to sweat
& I forget all the stupid things you've done
Like that time you broke my heart
Jus when our relationship was beginning to start, to bloom
From then on you were doomed
Like a 30-point deficit you had to come from behind
Your coaching skills need work, but the finesse game
You perfected it
And I want it to work
But the things you did, the secrets you hid
Keeps me down deep within
From ever saying the 3 words: Be with me
Because I love you is easy for me & you
That emotion hasn't changed or faded through strife
Even accepting the other woman in your life
Though not in the flesh she stayed in our house
Mary Jane got you higher than my pussy ever could
Each with our own not-so-secret lovers
But I find a big difference in you helping yourself
& me helping others
Then you touch me & for that time everything is even keel
All the problems disappear
& I forget all the stupid things you've done

Warm Feeling

Have you ever searched for that safe feeling?
The warmth that can only come from a deliberate sense of contentment
Long to be wrapped up in it like you're inside your mother's womb
It's cozy
You think about it often and try as you might you can't find a viable equivalent
Remembering laying on your mother's chest when your tummy ached
Or your tooth hurt, and as she caressed your forehead although the pain didn't go away
Something came and overtook its place
A feeling of warmth
Kinda like the low setting on the oven
Not too high and not too low
Keeps it hot enough and it feels like luxury
I believe that's what we are all searching for
A girl tries to find the feeling all over
In the stores she shops, in the sites she visits and the clubs she frequents
But all she ended up with was too many clothes, too many Myspace friends and a disease she
can't get rid of
See once you leave the womb there's nothing like it
Sure there are plenty of artificials
Sex can give you that warm feeling
So can some drugs
For most, they finally find it at the most inopportune time
Because they don't expect a lethal injection to garner that feeling
So what do you do, when you need that feeling
That coziness like curling up to a warm fire on a cold day
Or hot cocoa down your aching throat
That fetal position ain't getting it anymore
You find it
Wherever you can

Green Eyes

My eyes are green
Because I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing
To do with your new friend

My eyes are green
Because I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing
To do with your new friend

I can be cordial, speak and play nice
Yeah girl he's a good man but lemme give you some advice
Hold on to that one because he's a rare kind
All the while biting my tongue for what I know in my mind
Is that like yin & yang, interlocking fingers
Ours could be a love that actually lingers
Unknowingly you have touched an unexplored part of heart
Deep in my soul & past my selfish parts
Left at my inhibitions and a slight right at my fears
There lies my true self that I haven't seen in years
And in such a short time you brought it out just like that
So seamless and effortless its like you had a map
But I keep the fact that I want you inside
Truthfully there isn't much else about me that I hide
And I know the same can be said for you and your soul
Because of the music and poetry you've let me hold
I'm not sure if your friend is better for you than I
I just know I wanna give you a try
More than my body my mind is calling for you
Although I gotta admit my hormones are having a say too
I'd love to run my fingers through your locks
Outline with my tongue every single box
Of your stomach until there is no more spit
But above all I want to climax your mind and see, that's just it
Mental over physical is first and foremost
Through the similes and metaphors you boast
That's how you got me like a fish on a hook
And I know she couldn't get some of that stuff if she had an answer book
But my eyes aren't green for jealousy
They represent the greener pastures I hope one day you'll see in me

Word

Friend
It's a word that gets thrown around more than frisbees in the park
Tossing it back and forth to each other like a hot potato
To the point that it loses its significance
It takes more than a conversation to be called my friend
As it should be for me
It's more than a six-letter word, a introductory greeting or label
It means that you understand why I can be the loudest person you know on Tuesday
But come Wednesday why I don't say a word
You're not surprised when I wear this to this club, and that to that club
To be my friend, the application process is strenous
Fuck that, I discriminate
If you can't handle the heat, then you're not made for this kitchen
Because my life didn't come with A/C so my oven is always on
But the benefits are countless
A friend to me, is a sister in agony
A soldier in war
The power forward to my shooting guard
And I make cuts every couple of seasons
Oh yes, I do waive, playas
Because I take the word very serious
Expect a lot, and you get a lot
Get a lot, and you can give a lot
One hand washes the other
Like a true friend

Number 8

I can't seem to get you out my mind
You torment me in my dreams with your touch and sweet kisses
I want you
But damn if I can't have you
I know that you want me
Wherever you are
I'm probably tormenting you
With my lips and smile
I wake up and I want you next to me
You don't come around often
But when you do, you latch on and stay a while
Affecting my work and my sleep
I can feel you touch my back and my stomach
Gently caressing my skin until the chill up my spine shocks me back to reality
I want you
I've pushed aside your love for so long, but now
I feen worse than an addict and his dope
I want you
But damn if I can't have you

*off the dome