Darkness of reality

I've seen the darkness of reality
It's haunted me like bad dreams I can't remember
Can't utter
The truth
Is a knot in my throat I swallowed a long time ago
I have to spit more than just poetry for it to reach the surface
bright like sunshine
Kinda like what I saw in her eyes the first time we laid as husband and wife
And promised to save her from this reality
But ive never been able to outrun my demons
They nip at my heels round every corner
The past will catch up to you
Will you be able to handle it?
when you come face to face with yourself and know you have to make a change
Have to make a choice
Save yourself
Save the world
Fight for fame
Fight for life
Where is the love in the wake of two broken hearts
My father asked what will you hold onto when you're alone in the dark
What will anchor your struggles
What will keep you alive
Feed your will to survive
My reply
Sunshine
Blue skies
The innocence of a child
The ability to change lives with a simple gesture
Love
Will make you stand in a doorway darkened by your own shadow
And ask for another chance to get whatever it is right
What this is right
Hope
Will make you run as fast as your body can take you for a chance to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness
Faith
Will make you believe in fairy tales when you've never seen one come true
In real life
Princes leave behind the damsel they love when the shine
The luster of that first kiss has worn off
Princesses cry tears of sorrow when another so-called Prince turned pauper called charming
Fails to rescue her from her tower
Her prison
Her dungeon
This life that she's stuck in
Reality is bleakest when you live it alone
Without love without trust without faith
Without God
Shackled to a fate worse than death its the walking dead alive and kicking
My ass at every turn
They could smell the fear but no more
I saw so much of myself in her that I fought to keep a connection while watching it slowly fade
You see, she wanted what i couldn't give
And when I tried
To fix what I had broken the pieces were scattered so far
Where did the shatter fall?
Where did the cracking start?
The latter is all I can comprehend cause I broke another heart
My own and hers
All because I couldn't come face to face with what I'd done
Who I was
I held on
Til I choked the love out of her
And she died alone
And I died alone
Tossing and turning in my bed haunted by dreams I can clearly remember
Because they weren't dreams
It was the darkness of what I'd done
Killed something almost as precious as life
Love
Why?
Confession?
Fear the size of a mustard seed can change around your whole reality
believe that up is down
Pull your feet opposite of gravity
What will you believe?
What will you achieve?
When faced with a black face with no features whispering nightmares above your screams
That those thoughts you have
On both ends of the spectrum are both true
Are both you and now you've got to make a choice
It's either them or you
How do you choose?
Do you win
Or do you lose?