Ice cold

*suggested music: Tori Kelly's Stained

My hands have begun to crave your touch like I am draining without your skin on mine
I settle for your lips
And you kiss me like IVs
Like I can feel your wanting and I'm here
Its not my intention to fall in love with you
This big heart you claim I have turned to stone when I looked and loved too many Medusas
How dare you
Wrap your arms around my concrete
You don't know what it took for me to be ok with that cold
I had finally become comfortable in the not feeling
The not loving
The not dreaming
I've stopped talking in the future tense
I prefer moments to eternity
Eternity is squeezing you tight til we astral project this reality and I can feel you breathing inside of my chest
That's what intimacy with you feels like
I love it
More than I love you
But that is shifting the longer you contend to stay and deal with my bullshit
The longer you pretend to not feel me pushing you away
I will love you like you love me like after school
Like full speed bike rides through soft gravel
She's not afraid to fall and skin her needs on my sand
I've counted your scars and I don't wanna be your salve
A bandaid you neatly fold and throw away when you are healed
Or take off when your subconscious decides that wound needs air
Stop making me need you
Keep your saline kisses
I like my cold
I would rather lay in bed
Surrounding myself with the exhale of thoughts from people who will never know what they mean to me
How much I bask in their light because I love the heat of their sun
Its safer that way
Knowing that the smoke will dissipate
Its not supposed to stay
I don't want to love the semi-permanent you
The promised love that will stay
Until
Until the moment it doesn't
And the world turns cold
Dark
No, I want sun on my skin
And to keep my cold within

Untitled

I have yet to make peace with the singularity of life
That you are born alone
That you will die alone
The in between we spend filling the empty spaces to our left
Maybe that's why we mark our skin in remembrance of people we never wanted to leave
Why we adopt past strangers as kin
As brothers and sisters
Though their connection to us is just live action well wishes in my senior book
I stayed sweet
I never forgot you
There is an empty space on my right I hold dear
Potential lovers weave in and out hoping to find a home there
They nestle themselves in the crook of my neck praying the fit feels as good to me
As it does to them
I stare at it unoccupied
Fill it with my dry tears and sorrows
Longing, while I cross the finish line of my dreams
Into the outstretched arms of nothing but yellow tape
Every picture I take
Behind my eyes I see a little girl screaming through the door of her bedroom
Crying into her two-player games
I don't like pictures that show my face
The windows don't stay closed
My eyelids, eyelashes are not blinds
They constantly outline the voids once filled by you
Now chalklines I stuff with my memories and working too much and stretching myself too thin
I know that eventually it will all be ok
I will come home to an empty bed and not pile high my stresses just to avoid two cold pillows
The empty voicemail boxes and unanswered text messages will not feel like so much rejection
I will find peace in the silence
The solace
But today the loneliness wraps around me like an unwanted touch
Survives as a parasite on my happiness
Poison
It is always there
And I always feel it

VIDEO: Music

Check out the newest video posted on my YouTube account. It's me performing "Music"! Like, share, comment. . . and subscribe. Please and thank you ;).

Poetic Update

Hey peoples,
Writing to give you an update on my poetry since I haven't posted a poem in a while.
1  -  I DO HAVE new poems, however, I can't decide which pieces I would like to post, since some I'd like to keep in the vault until the release of my second CD, release date pending, ;)
2  -  I know that some of you not the DFW area would like a copy of my first CD, Not A Storybook <3 p="p"> 3  -  If you'd like to keep up with any of the shows that I do in the area, feel free to email me at princess.mcdowell@gmail.com, and I'll give you all the details!
Until next time. . .

VIDEO: Armored

So, I've got a YouTube Channel: princess18whit03, until I can get it changed or get another channel. Check out my first full video of me reading Armored.

Album Now Available!

Greetings everyone,
I've been hard at work, doing shows and hitting the studio, and now I'm proud to announce that my first CD of poetry is available. Not A Storybook <3 features 15 of my poems chronicling my journey through life. Its just me - all acapella - and has previously unheard/unposted pieces! I'm keeping it underground for the most part so if you want a copy, email me at princess.mcdowell@gmail.com, and we can work something out. $5 for my innermost secrets ;) again thanks for all the love and support. I really appreciate it!

Little slices of joy

Love appreciates little slices of joy
And dreams are best shared in pairs
Combined create moments of delicious affirmation like
Today
A here and a now as we lay on the floor of our own little home
Together but apart
Doing our own thing
Her reading
Me dreaming of a future where life is no more complicated than daily creative expression
A j and some nachos
I'm her Kanye West Lupe Fiasco
Underground knowledge with mainstream appeal
Her check yaself attitude and humility keep me real
Dreams
maybe I keep it simple and work to make life easy
Low profiles and high morals values ethics
Zest for life three kids and a vacation home
Or I could don my superhero cape and save the world
One mechanical pencil at a time
And bring home customized bookmarks to the only woman whose left dimple
And smile twinkle team up for a binary of cuteness
The likes of which your face has never seen
Little things
When she wraps her arms around me and drags that chill up my spine
Like dragging a hooked fish with nothing but her toe
Horizontal or vertical our lines are parallel
We have frequent bouts of teenage love affair
Its a matter of extreme importance
Freeing up my future to live in the here and now
With her
For moments like
Saturday
When i couldn't tell if it was her high or mine
But I swear her eyes were as pink as the Hello Kitty merchandise she bats her lashes to get me to buy
Tracing the outline of her profile in sunlight
Or candlelight
She's perfection wrapping in sensual intelligence
She turns me on whenever she parts her lips to speak
Or lick top and bottom like there's different flavors
gobstopping my thought process
And as I run my finger along the inside of her panty line
Nothing could be more enjoyable than this little slice of joy
Laying on my back
Looking up at the ceiling connecting the dots to paint pictures of laying on the floor of different rooms
some with ocean views
Others with exposed brick to accentuate that this home
And this love
Was built brick by brick
That every one was once a here and a now
A slice of joy
A dream painted the color of her smile
Reality is
I'd gladly live life by your side if it meant when I'm 65
Grey haired and still lanky
That we could lay on the floor and get high
Touch the earth at the same time
That same twinkle in your smile
Your same thigh pressed to mine
That makes me feel like I could fly
Or at least glide
Down to a soft landing that is this love
See its the little things
Like soft landings and shared dreams
Slices of joy and reality
that let me know that loving you
With my whole being
Will taste nothing short
Of delicious affirmation