Skydive

(This poem was written during a poet workshop session. The prompt was "I'm not ready," and we were given 13 minutes.)

She love me like skydive
Packed her parachute with the dreams of flying through the clouds with me
Letting the wind both carry and caress her on the way down
She'd scream
And laugh
and revel in the moments as they ticked away and we reached the peak
I haven't managed to pry my fingers from the notches on the side of the plane
On the outside I look just like her
My helmet is chin strapped to my inhibitions
My suit is the uniform of fallen angels
Falling angles together
I can hear her Geronimo in my fears
She's loving the ride and hasn't bared to look at her passenger side
If I jump now
I maybe can mask my hesitation
She'll never know my indiscretion against the metronome of our virgin flight
Cupid shot her
She shot herself off the cliff
The first step into blissful nothingness
If I shoot now
I'll be a bullet to catch her
Descend at the same trajectory
And we can fly like meteors
But love like birds diving
She can't see me gaining speed
My fingers graze her string and she jerks toward the heavens
Her wings block out the sun
And she loves like a skydive
While I scream

Ice cold

*suggested music: Tori Kelly's Stained

My hands have begun to crave your touch like I am draining without your skin on mine
I settle for your lips
And you kiss me like IVs
Like I can feel your wanting and I'm here
Its not my intention to fall in love with you
This big heart you claim I have turned to stone when I looked and loved too many Medusas
How dare you
Wrap your arms around my concrete
You don't know what it took for me to be ok with that cold
I had finally become comfortable in the not feeling
The not loving
The not dreaming
I've stopped talking in the future tense
I prefer moments to eternity
Eternity is squeezing you tight til we astral project this reality and I can feel you breathing inside of my chest
That's what intimacy with you feels like
I love it
More than I love you
But that is shifting the longer you contend to stay and deal with my bullshit
The longer you pretend to not feel me pushing you away
I will love you like you love me like after school
Like full speed bike rides through soft gravel
She's not afraid to fall and skin her needs on my sand
I've counted your scars and I don't wanna be your salve
A bandaid you neatly fold and throw away when you are healed
Or take off when your subconscious decides that wound needs air
Stop making me need you
Keep your saline kisses
I like my cold
I would rather lay in bed
Surrounding myself with the exhale of thoughts from people who will never know what they mean to me
How much I bask in their light because I love the heat of their sun
Its safer that way
Knowing that the smoke will dissipate
Its not supposed to stay
I don't want to love the semi-permanent you
The promised love that will stay
Until
Until the moment it doesn't
And the world turns cold
Dark
No, I want sun on my skin
And to keep my cold within

Untitled

I have yet to make peace with the singularity of life
That you are born alone
That you will die alone
The in between we spend filling the empty spaces to our left
Maybe that's why we mark our skin in remembrance of people we never wanted to leave
Why we adopt past strangers as kin
As brothers and sisters
Though their connection to us is just live action well wishes in my senior book
I stayed sweet
I never forgot you
There is an empty space on my right I hold dear
Potential lovers weave in and out hoping to find a home there
They nestle themselves in the crook of my neck praying the fit feels as good to me
As it does to them
I stare at it unoccupied
Fill it with my dry tears and sorrows
Longing, while I cross the finish line of my dreams
Into the outstretched arms of nothing but yellow tape
Every picture I take
Behind my eyes I see a little girl screaming through the door of her bedroom
Crying into her two-player games
I don't like pictures that show my face
The windows don't stay closed
My eyelids, eyelashes are not blinds
They constantly outline the voids once filled by you
Now chalklines I stuff with my memories and working too much and stretching myself too thin
I know that eventually it will all be ok
I will come home to an empty bed and not pile high my stresses just to avoid two cold pillows
The empty voicemail boxes and unanswered text messages will not feel like so much rejection
I will find peace in the silence
The solace
But today the loneliness wraps around me like an unwanted touch
Survives as a parasite on my happiness
Poison
It is always there
And I always feel it

VIDEO: Music

Check out the newest video posted on my YouTube account. It's me performing "Music"! Like, share, comment. . . and subscribe. Please and thank you ;).

Poetic Update

Hey peoples,
Writing to give you an update on my poetry since I haven't posted a poem in a while.
1  -  I DO HAVE new poems, however, I can't decide which pieces I would like to post, since some I'd like to keep in the vault until the release of my second CD, release date pending, ;)
2  -  I know that some of you not the DFW area would like a copy of my first CD, Not A Storybook <3 p="p"> 3  -  If you'd like to keep up with any of the shows that I do in the area, feel free to email me at princess.mcdowell@gmail.com, and I'll give you all the details!
Until next time. . .

VIDEO: Armored

So, I've got a YouTube Channel: princess18whit03, until I can get it changed or get another channel. Check out my first full video of me reading Armored.

Album Now Available!

Greetings everyone,
I've been hard at work, doing shows and hitting the studio, and now I'm proud to announce that my first CD of poetry is available. Not A Storybook <3 features 15 of my poems chronicling my journey through life. Its just me - all acapella - and has previously unheard/unposted pieces! I'm keeping it underground for the most part so if you want a copy, email me at princess.mcdowell@gmail.com, and we can work something out. $5 for my innermost secrets ;) again thanks for all the love and support. I really appreciate it!