throwing glances

every time we fight
I pack a bag to sleep outside your front step
as a sincere apology
I don't expect you to open the door
but I'll throw glances at your window sill
hoping you'll hear me trying to reconcile
from my makeshift pile on the concrete
its not the most romantic thing I've ever done
I once politely accosted a grocery store florist
for her freshest roses to give on a first date
I wanted to make a good impression
I once packed a camera to record a night
I believed would be unforgettable & it was
it still is
though its cold outside
& my last piece of warmth gave out when I felt you
roll over & put your back to my light
I'm still here
throwing glances at your window sill
one night
I swore I saw you smiling well wishes
& retelling tales of forever with another at the helm
it wasn't quite Julia Gulia
but the smile convinced me that I didn't originate it
I walked away into the dusk dragging my pride by a string
its not the most courageous thing I've done
but I think me here
laying on this makeshift pile that is my bed
this concrete slab that is every place I don't lay my head beside yours
writing this poem
throwing glances at your window sill is pretty brave
pretty courageous
It's not something I would normally do
but I felt somewhere that love cannot exist alongside fear
that love is not supposed to be easy
that when you really love someone you take the punches
even risk getting knocked out
locked out cold
for chances to do more romantic things
make more unforgettable memories like the one you're thinking of right now
I'll sleep here until you open the door
through rain
& cold
til the waiting gets old & my mind says I should go
but my heart whispers
no
do something courageous