Album Now Available!

Greetings everyone,
I've been hard at work, doing shows and hitting the studio, and now I'm proud to announce that my first CD of poetry is available. Not A Storybook <3 features 15 of my poems chronicling my journey through life. Its just me - all acapella - and has previously unheard/unposted pieces! I'm keeping it underground for the most part so if you want a copy, email me at princess.mcdowell@gmail.com, and we can work something out. $5 for my innermost secrets ;) again thanks for all the love and support. I really appreciate it!

Little slices of joy

Love appreciates little slices of joy
And dreams are best shared in pairs
Combined create moments of delicious affirmation like
Today
A here and a now as we lay on the floor of our own little home
Together but apart
Doing our own thing
Her reading
Me dreaming of a future where life is no more complicated than daily creative expression
A j and some nachos
I'm her Kanye West Lupe Fiasco
Underground knowledge with mainstream appeal
Her check yaself attitude and humility keep me real
Dreams
maybe I keep it simple and work to make life easy
Low profiles and high morals values ethics
Zest for life three kids and a vacation home
Or I could don my superhero cape and save the world
One mechanical pencil at a time
And bring home customized bookmarks to the only woman whose left dimple
And smile twinkle team up for a binary of cuteness
The likes of which your face has never seen
Little things
When she wraps her arms around me and drags that chill up my spine
Like dragging a hooked fish with nothing but her toe
Horizontal or vertical our lines are parallel
We have frequent bouts of teenage love affair
Its a matter of extreme importance
Freeing up my future to live in the here and now
With her
For moments like
Saturday
When i couldn't tell if it was her high or mine
But I swear her eyes were as pink as the Hello Kitty merchandise she bats her lashes to get me to buy
Tracing the outline of her profile in sunlight
Or candlelight
She's perfection wrapping in sensual intelligence
She turns me on whenever she parts her lips to speak
Or lick top and bottom like there's different flavors
gobstopping my thought process
And as I run my finger along the inside of her panty line
Nothing could be more enjoyable than this little slice of joy
Laying on my back
Looking up at the ceiling connecting the dots to paint pictures of laying on the floor of different rooms
some with ocean views
Others with exposed brick to accentuate that this home
And this love
Was built brick by brick
That every one was once a here and a now
A slice of joy
A dream painted the color of her smile
Reality is
I'd gladly live life by your side if it meant when I'm 65
Grey haired and still lanky
That we could lay on the floor and get high
Touch the earth at the same time
That same twinkle in your smile
Your same thigh pressed to mine
That makes me feel like I could fly
Or at least glide
Down to a soft landing that is this love
See its the little things
Like soft landings and shared dreams
Slices of joy and reality
that let me know that loving you
With my whole being
Will taste nothing short
Of delicious affirmation

letter to my unborn child

I never wanted to be a statistic
Teenage mom
Baby raising baby
So I waited until I was 19 til I said yes &
I can still remember
Sitting on the edge of my bed waiting on the results
Like waiting in the doctors office
My mind was already made up
I'm sorry
But back then
You weren't gonna make it
Some days I wish you did
Then maybe I wouldn't feel the anxiety of living for just myself
I never daydreamed about weddings
Or played with dolls
I woulda dropped my baby brother
had they not told me to cradle him like a football
I did have your name picked out
Boy or girl
Little Maya Anissa
I long to feel you press your feet against my stomach
Scribble nursery rhymes on my rib cage
I had plans for you
We were gonna find a donor
Natural birth
Then adopt
But plans tend to crumble before they reach my fingertips
I never wanted you to enter a situation where you would need
Or want
And I couldn't provide
I guess I overplan
Maybe I would have been better off running recklessly into a future I wasn't ready for
Maybe then I would cherish my mistakes more and
Learn not to be so hard on myself
Little Andre Donovan
I wonder which of my features you will evolve into your own
Will your skin darken as you get older
Will you inherit my need to love
And save
There are people already waiting for you
An extended family of nieces and nephews
A grandmother who would be elated to have you
I dont know what to say
Lately she's stopped asking and I
Haven't sat in a bedroom waiting room hoping to turn a negative to a positive
I'm sure you wouldn't call it luck
Or coincidence but i never thought at 26
I wouldn't have you
Or anything tangible to leave this earth
Every day that passes I start to believe that we'll never meet
That you'll never hear this letter
That I've missed out on the many ways we could grow together
I havent given up hope
I've just
I read a statistic that said the more education a woman has
The less children she will bear
I guess everybody's a number

throwing glances

every time we fight
I pack a bag to sleep outside your front step
as a sincere apology
I don't expect you to open the door
but I'll throw glances at your window sill
hoping you'll hear me trying to reconcile
from my makeshift pile on the concrete
its not the most romantic thing I've ever done
I once politely accosted a grocery store florist
for her freshest roses to give on a first date
I wanted to make a good impression
I once packed a camera to record a night
I believed would be unforgettable & it was
it still is
though its cold outside
& my last piece of warmth gave out when I felt you
roll over & put your back to my light
I'm still here
throwing glances at your window sill
one night
I swore I saw you smiling well wishes
& retelling tales of forever with another at the helm
it wasn't quite Julia Gulia
but the smile convinced me that I didn't originate it
I walked away into the dusk dragging my pride by a string
its not the most courageous thing I've done
but I think me here
laying on this makeshift pile that is my bed
this concrete slab that is every place I don't lay my head beside yours
writing this poem
throwing glances at your window sill is pretty brave
pretty courageous
It's not something I would normally do
but I felt somewhere that love cannot exist alongside fear
that love is not supposed to be easy
that when you really love someone you take the punches
even risk getting knocked out
locked out cold
for chances to do more romantic things
make more unforgettable memories like the one you're thinking of right now
I'll sleep here until you open the door
through rain
& cold
til the waiting gets old & my mind says I should go
but my heart whispers
no
do something courageous

Orange butterfly

*for Karina (sp)*

in the corner she sat
watching a caterpillar from inside her cocoon
fascinated
17 her life had always been lived in the fast lane
never takin' the time to just coast
everybody saw her as misguided and misplaced
on the outside men saw fresh opportunity
police saw probable cause
i went to sit next to her
to talk about trees and leaving
no agenda to give her what she needed
but quickly i saw the irony in her current state of being
she laid out the cards she'd been dealt
like jailhouse bicycle written on pieces of milk cartons
life had been cruel
but not unusual
fragments of her mother
no semblance of a father
forced to learn to fly like baby birds kicked from nests early
but through less than 20/20 eyes i saw
a butterfly
orange monarch hugging close were her wings
a future matriarch shining star blinking sos signals
with her red eyes and tears
when i told her her past and present cause i understand
relate
the only love you feel is that which you give away
and searching for self when the people you loved have already found their place
knowing that there's a better life
but seeing is believing is mimicing the achievements of your peers
so she flew high with pigeons
getting by on her beauty
til she snatched the attention of a guy who lived his life in the G formation
fights over miscommunication
but never confused that she was the ultimate ride or die
on the inside so much
that it didn't seem surreal
the clang of closed steel doors
coveting toiletries and sharing embellished stories
but this caterpillar
crawling on the sill of a multi-paned window
had taken her back to a time when she carried innocence like security blankets
she told me of all the women
she was coming to find me
under a shade tree
or riding silently on the train
mama i hope you do
glide on a breeze and land on my shoulder
with orange wings spread wide
cause you deserve to leave this cocoon behind
its tough love like heavy hands too familiar for my tastes you need to unacquire
don't be afraid to retire all that's keeping you from soaring higher
life is much more than nuck-if-you-buck dances on street corners
its your time to shine
spy something more with those beautiful eyes
butterfly its time to fly
and leave this jailhouse behind

Stillness

My emotions are still like untouched water
No ripples
No waves
though I hold the memory of them crashing against the rocks I do not falter
Or waver
I be still
Like cloudy mornings
Solid white
Consistent
Strong like trees
This world works to shake your branches
Tear at your roots
But you must stand
Tall
Majestic
See life through the stillness
And be unmoved
They told you
They show you
That you must go with the current of the river
Whatever pace it carries
But those swimmers surely drowned under the weight and pull
Or lost themselves in the crowd
You must be still and find that place of strength within the chaos
It's there
Waiting for you to come home

Corner nightmares

She sits in a corner waiting
On the angry mob approaching
They want her dead
Drag her by her feet
Tie to a dead tree trunk
And light the fire between her toes
She clutches a knife in her right hand
The blade is sharp
The handle is tight gripped
She can hear their jeers
She sits in a corner waiting
Pressing hard the space between her back and two white walls
They want her life
Torches and pitchforks snatch her body
Lifted above the crowd to hang
By her throat
She wraps her left arm around her shins and pulls her knees to her chest
The ball is not small enough
She sits in a corner waiting
As the angry mob descends
They want her blood
Towering above they look down and sneer
Appease she
Cuts deep into her skin
Arms
Thighs
Muscles give under the blade
The blood veins off
Puddles at her feet and where she sits
The angry mob
Is not there
Never there
But the blood
stains
She sits in a corner waiting
For the chaos to end