Smoke signals

Our communication ain't great
Most times my brain cant send the right waves down the chain of phonetic command
& I say some shit I don't mean
So now
I just send smoke signals
Carefully veiled raging fires of emotions & desires manipulated by a blanket
Or quilt
Pieced together with screenshots & soundbites of our times together
Actual & perceived
Cause our memories are a mixed bag of red & white grapes with & without seeds
Some turned sour & some stayed sweet
In the space between me & you & the conjoined we
See it's the distance I feel when I sit quiet
Contemplative
Alone
Thinking about how much things have changed
Grown
When I looked myself in the mirror & turned to stone
Cold when you held out your heart for me to hold
See I'm no good with subtle declarations of love
When blame is all I keep thinking of
I had to adele my oceans of regret and set fire to the rain
Molded the clouds to say
Hey
My head is big
Full of thoughts that refrain I miss everything
Now my main impropriety is in my mind I've tried to put out the pain
But all that's made is more & more smoke signals from the flames
Sycamore forests of walls I burnt to the ground
To send cloudy messages past your bedroom window
Check the skies
I left a secret under the stars for you
The plumes are playing that one scene from that one movie about me & you
I know you'll recognize remember
Every night I watch replays of you in the moon
& chase clouds wondering if that one is mine
If it's from you
If it is what do I do?
How do I respond without sounding too uncool?
Hey
How are you?
Id like to see your face sometime soon
Was that too premature
Well fuck it I already released the fumes & then choked
It's no wonder we grow close under the marijuana smoke
We trade red-eyed stares & you place your fears in my lap
I swear
I'll close my eyes every time you lean close to give & take my breath away
Exchange toke for toke & let the smoke stand in my place
I'm sorry I missed your last message
I was staring at the sun
Reading the flares
Daring me to send you that tethered cloud
Suspended in the air above my single space
The one I've kept behind my back that reads I still love you
Some messages are harder to transmit
Or maybe it's just my inability to communicate
Lost self-confidence in my competency to facilitate something other than an argument
Or misunderstanding
A smoke signal is the most direct I can get
Wishing on stars that the clouds can do the talking
& tell you. . .