4/30/13
Find me on SoundCloud!
And, I've launched a SoundCloud page where you can listen to tracks off Not A Storybook <3 .="" always="" as="" contact="" copies="" directly.="" downloading="" for="" me="" or="" p="" physical="">
New YouTube video
I've got a new video uploaded to my YouTube channel from the Dallas Grand Slam (so you can actually see what I was talking about in my post). It's down here:
4/21/13
talk
I don't believe I started talking at a young age
My mother says different
Says I was an articulate adult at age four
Told her to call me what I feel like at age three
A prodigy who slow dances with her demons
Oh I wanna dance with somebody
I remember struggling to form words and sounds that were so elementary to my peers
They didn't want to play under or at the tip of my tongue
I couldn't talk
Lying is not a defense mechanism
Its a fingerprint on your lover's favorite CD you could wash off if you gave a shit
I don't lie
I've just given my honesty to people who regifted it back to me without the packaging
Book with no dust jacket
I can't use this registration code again
She wants me to be fully open like
Like that's easy
Like you can handle the full narrative of the hero all backstory everything
That's a lie
Omission is not lying
It is the shield I fight with until you knock it out my hand and I only have this pen
This tongue to protect you and I keep both sharp on accident
Talking is not easy when you have a mouth full of jagged teeth chewing on life's hard candy
We started this way
Dipping my finger in to taste her blood
Kiss her open wounds cause my lips are suture
Are liquid bandaid until they became vice
Clamp
Pliers pry open to serate and I can't control it
I didn't lie
You asked me to put down my shield and got mad at my shrapnel
Struggling to form words
Pushing them off my tongue
I've never been an articulate adult
You can't want and hate what you asked for
I'm new to this talking thing
But I can slow dance
My partner is waiting
4/9/13
Dallas Grand Slam and little 'ol me: also, I still can't believe all that stuff actually happened
the last time I slammed off for a team was 2009. I won't say which team I slammed for, or give a lot of details, but I will say that the experience was nothing short of traumatic. there were a lot of different factors to that contributed to that trauma: trying to make a team with my girlfriend on my birthday in front of people who had never seen me perform. that night is part of the reason why I don't drink as much anymore. so, suffice to say, after that night I wasn't into slamming anymore. I think it was about 2 years until I hit a stage again.
flash forward some years. I had gotten back into writing. I got back into performing again. people really seemed to enjoy my poetry and I liked being able to share. I decided that one of my goals was to make a slam team just because I wanted to enjoy the camaraderie that you have with people all working towards a common goal.
the only thing about slam is, its so unpredictable - the judges can like you or not like you. you can give it your all and still come in last which hurts. like hell. in all the times that I had did slams before, I never won. always 3rd or worse. so my confidence has never really been high when it comes to slam.
preparing for the 2013 Dallas Grand Slam was more about making sure that I told a story over anything else. I wanted to make sure that my poems were memorized and that I was able to articulate the wording in them so that people would understand. I knew the poems that I wanted to do but I also wanted to have new poems to debut. during practices I never timed any poems. I didn't really care about time. its never been about that to me which is funny when you do slam. (and now definitely has to change)
day of, it was really important to me to get into a very comfortable mindstate so that I wouldn't put too much pressure on myself. I purposely didn't picture or try to visualize what would happen that night so I went in with zero expectations.
I pulled number 4 during the draw which I felt really good about and just tried to get in the zone so be able to perform my poems.
when I'm on stage I don't ever really hear audience reaction. I'm so caught up in making sure that I articulate the poem, and give enough pause for audience reaction that I rarely actually hear any audible noise.
I won't go into how I felt after every performance, but I will say that everyone seemed to enjoy it. There were times when I had to gather myself.
performing snowflake was great to do but I know I didn't perform it as well as I thought I could have. I can tell you the places where I slipped up or stumbled over my words or rearranged phrases to make it to the next part of the poem. apparently other people didn't notice and everybody in the room absolutely enjoyed it. I'm saying that from a place of hindsight - all the people who mobbed me or hugged me or told me how great that poem was when I got off stage because I had no clue. the most important thing for me at that time was making it out the first round. and I did. With a time penalty.
the rest of the night was a blur of emotion. I will say that one of the best parts of the night was having my mother there. although she's been supporting my poetry for a while now, it's still really nice to have her there, to tell me to stop being nervous cause I got this. she can be awesome sometimes. :)
so, after the second round, two things were brought to my attention: 1. I was doing incredibly well. 2. I was going over time. a lot. enough that a few poets threatened me, more than enough made sure I knew, and one told me I was fucking it up for myself. so the last two rounds, I just tried to breathe through them to make it.
once the slam was over, I was nervous as hell. a part of me still felt like I wasn't going to make the team, so I started preparing myself for that. but then, I had to be realistic and prepare for the fact that I may have won. when my name was called second, there was so much joy in me, I can't even describe. I was crying by the time I hit the stage (which, if you know me, is rare because I do not cry). it's definitely a dream come true.
the things that I will remember the most about that night are all the people who told me how proud they were of me, who said encouraging words and were pulling for me to win. I'm not disappointed that I didn't win - my brother Rage just proved how he's been doing it for years and excelling at a national level. I'm super proud of him, and I can't wait to get started working.
2013 is turning out to be a great year, and we're only 4 months in. . .
flash forward some years. I had gotten back into writing. I got back into performing again. people really seemed to enjoy my poetry and I liked being able to share. I decided that one of my goals was to make a slam team just because I wanted to enjoy the camaraderie that you have with people all working towards a common goal.
the only thing about slam is, its so unpredictable - the judges can like you or not like you. you can give it your all and still come in last which hurts. like hell. in all the times that I had did slams before, I never won. always 3rd or worse. so my confidence has never really been high when it comes to slam.
preparing for the 2013 Dallas Grand Slam was more about making sure that I told a story over anything else. I wanted to make sure that my poems were memorized and that I was able to articulate the wording in them so that people would understand. I knew the poems that I wanted to do but I also wanted to have new poems to debut. during practices I never timed any poems. I didn't really care about time. its never been about that to me which is funny when you do slam. (and now definitely has to change)
day of, it was really important to me to get into a very comfortable mindstate so that I wouldn't put too much pressure on myself. I purposely didn't picture or try to visualize what would happen that night so I went in with zero expectations.
I pulled number 4 during the draw which I felt really good about and just tried to get in the zone so be able to perform my poems.
when I'm on stage I don't ever really hear audience reaction. I'm so caught up in making sure that I articulate the poem, and give enough pause for audience reaction that I rarely actually hear any audible noise.
I won't go into how I felt after every performance, but I will say that everyone seemed to enjoy it. There were times when I had to gather myself.
performing snowflake was great to do but I know I didn't perform it as well as I thought I could have. I can tell you the places where I slipped up or stumbled over my words or rearranged phrases to make it to the next part of the poem. apparently other people didn't notice and everybody in the room absolutely enjoyed it. I'm saying that from a place of hindsight - all the people who mobbed me or hugged me or told me how great that poem was when I got off stage because I had no clue. the most important thing for me at that time was making it out the first round. and I did. With a time penalty.
the rest of the night was a blur of emotion. I will say that one of the best parts of the night was having my mother there. although she's been supporting my poetry for a while now, it's still really nice to have her there, to tell me to stop being nervous cause I got this. she can be awesome sometimes. :)
so, after the second round, two things were brought to my attention: 1. I was doing incredibly well. 2. I was going over time. a lot. enough that a few poets threatened me, more than enough made sure I knew, and one told me I was fucking it up for myself. so the last two rounds, I just tried to breathe through them to make it.
once the slam was over, I was nervous as hell. a part of me still felt like I wasn't going to make the team, so I started preparing myself for that. but then, I had to be realistic and prepare for the fact that I may have won. when my name was called second, there was so much joy in me, I can't even describe. I was crying by the time I hit the stage (which, if you know me, is rare because I do not cry). it's definitely a dream come true.
the things that I will remember the most about that night are all the people who told me how proud they were of me, who said encouraging words and were pulling for me to win. I'm not disappointed that I didn't win - my brother Rage just proved how he's been doing it for years and excelling at a national level. I'm super proud of him, and I can't wait to get started working.
2013 is turning out to be a great year, and we're only 4 months in. . .
mermaid
The sand between my toes is my first reminder that we existed
the grit gathering in the crease of my skin makes me smile
I remember how it got there
building sandcastle foundations with our body imprints in the only space we can ever share
between normality
fantasy
and ecstasy
the night I watched you sink with Atlantis across the horizon
I knew
I'd follow you to the bottom of the ocean
but you met me halfway
we lay
Tempurpedic shore or suspended stasis of ocean blue
and become one
lovers split between two worlds
I am lucky you breathe for me
take the oxygen from my lungs when I stare at your majesty
blow life back in me when we kiss
met above the clouds of her world
she calls me her falling star
a comet who stopped streaking past the sky to become the wish she'd always been denied
she is
the woman I would forsake land for
give God my ribs for gills since I've found the Eve of my life
though she only rises when the skies dust dark as the ocean floor
I would
love fully a woman I can only see in the nighttime
who can only love me back when she feels like dreaming
link on the surface of my consciousness to swim
easy laps around impossibility
you weren't always a mermaid
couldn't be
you coiled ankle around feet and your thighs whispering you love me
are my second and third reminders that my subconscious didn't create you
to keep me from drowning in my misery
you
beautiful defense mechanism
muscle memory mythology
I press her stray fish scales to my ear to hear what she's left for me
eloquent sea shell poetry
laps like gentle morning waves
wafting sonnets and couplets like
cool breezes under the sea
Ariel pursuits will only take you so far
down
to where the ear pop pressure forces you to the
surface where the tide slowly wipes away from fingerprints
mermaid
don't leave
wake up next to me and prove again
that we existed
the grit gathering in the crease of my skin makes me smile
I remember how it got there
building sandcastle foundations with our body imprints in the only space we can ever share
between normality
fantasy
and ecstasy
the night I watched you sink with Atlantis across the horizon
I knew
I'd follow you to the bottom of the ocean
but you met me halfway
we lay
Tempurpedic shore or suspended stasis of ocean blue
and become one
lovers split between two worlds
I am lucky you breathe for me
take the oxygen from my lungs when I stare at your majesty
blow life back in me when we kiss
met above the clouds of her world
she calls me her falling star
a comet who stopped streaking past the sky to become the wish she'd always been denied
she is
the woman I would forsake land for
give God my ribs for gills since I've found the Eve of my life
though she only rises when the skies dust dark as the ocean floor
I would
love fully a woman I can only see in the nighttime
who can only love me back when she feels like dreaming
link on the surface of my consciousness to swim
easy laps around impossibility
you weren't always a mermaid
couldn't be
you coiled ankle around feet and your thighs whispering you love me
are my second and third reminders that my subconscious didn't create you
to keep me from drowning in my misery
you
beautiful defense mechanism
muscle memory mythology
I press her stray fish scales to my ear to hear what she's left for me
eloquent sea shell poetry
laps like gentle morning waves
wafting sonnets and couplets like
cool breezes under the sea
Ariel pursuits will only take you so far
down
to where the ear pop pressure forces you to the
surface where the tide slowly wipes away from fingerprints
mermaid
don't leave
wake up next to me and prove again
that we existed
4/1/13
National Poetry Month's 30 for 30
In honor of National Poetry Month, I'll be attempting to write a poem a day. Today's piece:
On these spring mornings
The sun beams, breeze kiss my skin
And count my tattoos
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