the last time I slammed off for a team was 2009. I won't say which team I slammed for, or give a lot of details, but I will say that the experience was nothing short of traumatic. there were a lot of different factors to that contributed to that trauma: trying to make a team with my girlfriend on my birthday in front of people who had never seen me perform. that night is part of the reason why I don't drink as much anymore. so, suffice to say, after that night I wasn't into slamming anymore. I think it was about 2 years until I hit a stage again.
flash forward some years. I had gotten back into writing. I got back into performing again. people really seemed to enjoy my poetry and I liked being able to share. I decided that one of my goals was to make a slam team just because I wanted to enjoy the camaraderie that you have with people all working towards a common goal.
the only thing about slam is, its so unpredictable - the judges can like you or not like you. you can give it your all and still come in last which hurts. like hell. in all the times that I had did slams before, I never won. always 3rd or worse. so my confidence has never really been high when it comes to slam.
preparing for the 2013 Dallas Grand Slam was more about making sure that I told a story over anything else. I wanted to make sure that my poems were memorized and that I was able to articulate the wording in them so that people would understand. I knew the poems that I wanted to do but I also wanted to have new poems to debut. during practices I never timed any poems. I didn't really care about time. its never been about that to me which is funny when you do slam. (and now definitely has to change)
day of, it was really important to me to get into a very comfortable mindstate so that I wouldn't put too much pressure on myself. I purposely didn't picture or try to visualize what would happen that night so I went in with zero expectations.
I pulled number 4 during the draw which I felt really good about and just tried to get in the zone so be able to perform my poems.
when I'm on stage I don't ever really hear audience reaction. I'm so caught up in making sure that I articulate the poem, and give enough pause for audience reaction that I rarely actually hear any audible noise.
I won't go into how I felt after every performance, but I will say that everyone seemed to enjoy it. There were times when I had to gather myself.
performing snowflake was great to do but I know I didn't perform it as well as I thought I could have. I can tell you the places where I slipped up or stumbled over my words or rearranged phrases to make it to the next part of the poem. apparently other people didn't notice and everybody in the room absolutely enjoyed it. I'm saying that from a place of hindsight - all the people who mobbed me or hugged me or told me how great that poem was when I got off stage because I had no clue. the most important thing for me at that time was making it out the first round. and I did. With a time penalty.
the rest of the night was a blur of emotion. I will say that one of the best parts of the night was having my mother there. although she's been supporting my poetry for a while now, it's still really nice to have her there, to tell me to stop being nervous cause I got this. she can be awesome sometimes. :)
so, after the second round, two things were brought to my attention: 1. I was doing incredibly well. 2. I was going over time. a lot. enough that a few poets threatened me, more than enough made sure I knew, and one told me I was fucking it up for myself. so the last two rounds, I just tried to breathe through them to make it.
once the slam was over, I was nervous as hell. a part of me still felt like I wasn't going to make the team, so I started preparing myself for that. but then, I had to be realistic and prepare for the fact that I may have won. when my name was called second, there was so much joy in me, I can't even describe. I was crying by the time I hit the stage (which, if you know me, is rare because I do not cry). it's definitely a dream come true.
the things that I will remember the most about that night are all the people who told me how proud they were of me, who said encouraging words and were pulling for me to win. I'm not disappointed that I didn't win - my brother Rage just proved how he's been doing it for years and excelling at a national level. I'm super proud of him, and I can't wait to get started working.
2013 is turning out to be a great year, and we're only 4 months in. . .
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