I chose my destiny in the womb
double knotted my umbilical cord around my feet upside down
my mother telling billy goat gruff stories of crossing bridges where trolls lie in wait
inspired me to premature birth
so I entered this world head first
head strong because I watched siblings get tied up with the foolishness of life
and come out dead on the other side
I swung
a pendulum hanging from a cloud three less that nine
childhood I was easily swayed
side to side because when your parents are divorced there is no in between
considered Christianity because crosses looked just like me
crucified upside down to die for this world’s sins
I convinced myself that I would be the one to right it
be its savior
cut through injustice and be worshipped as god
but I couldn’t touch the ground
lacked simplicity
doomed to be misunderstood because I don’t walk the same path
no I don’t walk
and my words hit ears like classics played backwards
bittersweet symphonies
love came as divine as kinetic energy
two superheroes beautifully flawed
we share Spiderman kisses of passion
in between missed opportunities and late-night calls from destiny
those days I remember that
23 years ago I tied a rope around my ankles
and christened myself with this burden
karma isn’t the bitch once you realize the definition of karma
so now I do more hanging than swinging
at night blood sleeps cozy in the cradle of my cranium
but it doesn’t make me crazy
it makes me
and I’ve made peace with that
12/2/09
10/5/09
abstract art
placed in a 5 x 2 inch frame i was hung on a wall
to be filed past & examined
touched with dirty child fingerprints
a topic of conversation more passing fad than necessity
pieces of dried macaroni & tattered & faded denim Elmer glued on construction paper
i was a work of art
the proclaimed masterpiece finished by an adolescent artist
put on display for the world to see
until curators made room for the next
the evolution from finger paintings to dali paintings
melted time clocks dripping with thick clops of watercolors
made streaks of blues & maroons
puddles of indescribable nothings passed off as beautiful
holidays were field trips & this traveling exhibit
opened eyes to new forms of expressions
visually sturdy collages of magazine pages
paper mache'd the way of the world
graffiti spray paint of skateboards & black fisted rebel on project brick walls
sepia charcoal smudged to smear the pain of living in a 360 degree frame
yes society loves works of art
group tickets sell by the family tree
cause from every evergreen hangs the black sheep
nail gunned to branches & admission is free
to be analyzed
draw conclusions with washable markers on the back
bid on the pieces you really desire
as others flow down the waters of forgotten memories
i am the writing on the wall
misinterpreted for the masses
because finding the truth is like an abstract picture
who wants explanation
when you can just call it abstract
to be filed past & examined
touched with dirty child fingerprints
a topic of conversation more passing fad than necessity
pieces of dried macaroni & tattered & faded denim Elmer glued on construction paper
i was a work of art
the proclaimed masterpiece finished by an adolescent artist
put on display for the world to see
until curators made room for the next
the evolution from finger paintings to dali paintings
melted time clocks dripping with thick clops of watercolors
made streaks of blues & maroons
puddles of indescribable nothings passed off as beautiful
holidays were field trips & this traveling exhibit
opened eyes to new forms of expressions
visually sturdy collages of magazine pages
paper mache'd the way of the world
graffiti spray paint of skateboards & black fisted rebel on project brick walls
sepia charcoal smudged to smear the pain of living in a 360 degree frame
yes society loves works of art
group tickets sell by the family tree
cause from every evergreen hangs the black sheep
nail gunned to branches & admission is free
to be analyzed
draw conclusions with washable markers on the back
bid on the pieces you really desire
as others flow down the waters of forgotten memories
i am the writing on the wall
misinterpreted for the masses
because finding the truth is like an abstract picture
who wants explanation
when you can just call it abstract
boxing ring
more than walls separate us
mix in some space and opportunity
we graduated from school yard bullying
wet willies & swirlies to full on fisticuffs
started picking housing floor plans that looked more like boxing rings
and in this corner, i stood
looking at her bedroom door
holding up my guard
i knew when i heard the entrance theme music of catty conversations filled with insinuation
the beat down would begin
turn my mother into another
friend to sugar ray robinson george foreman
swinging big bear punches with such authority
that it'd knock my self-esteem to its knees
hit you so hard you'll future girlfriends will feel it
at night, we'd retreat to neutral corners
had the dignity to fight in designated areas
to come out swinging between the bells & buzzes of alarm clocks
and the days when she'd slip barbed wire bricks in her gloves
i took the hit
because she knew pork chops & rib eyes would heal
bruises & black eyes on my ego
let pens be the vaseline over my swollen jaw
punk, heavy metal be my ace bandage
wrapping my emotion & hurt with white voices
suffocating my own breath
as peace offerings we sacrificed out tongues because
mediation led to confusion for one and happiness for none
cause she can't understand my sentiments clearly
letters could never deliver the message directly or on time
mostly i kept my shit in my mind
& let the walls talk to me
put my head in the stucco white clouds
cause i knew clowns & unicorns would always be there like best friends
cause my mother would rather box me
than love me
mix in some space and opportunity
we graduated from school yard bullying
wet willies & swirlies to full on fisticuffs
started picking housing floor plans that looked more like boxing rings
and in this corner, i stood
looking at her bedroom door
holding up my guard
i knew when i heard the entrance theme music of catty conversations filled with insinuation
the beat down would begin
turn my mother into another
friend to sugar ray robinson george foreman
swinging big bear punches with such authority
that it'd knock my self-esteem to its knees
hit you so hard you'll future girlfriends will feel it
at night, we'd retreat to neutral corners
had the dignity to fight in designated areas
to come out swinging between the bells & buzzes of alarm clocks
and the days when she'd slip barbed wire bricks in her gloves
i took the hit
because she knew pork chops & rib eyes would heal
bruises & black eyes on my ego
let pens be the vaseline over my swollen jaw
punk, heavy metal be my ace bandage
wrapping my emotion & hurt with white voices
suffocating my own breath
as peace offerings we sacrificed out tongues because
mediation led to confusion for one and happiness for none
cause she can't understand my sentiments clearly
letters could never deliver the message directly or on time
mostly i kept my shit in my mind
& let the walls talk to me
put my head in the stucco white clouds
cause i knew clowns & unicorns would always be there like best friends
cause my mother would rather box me
than love me
3/9/09
Armor
I keep a can of silver polish for you
& everyday I diligently shine my suit of armor
Buffing out scratches and knocking out dents
Cause I want nothing more than to be your knight in shining armor
I waste days sharpening my sword I swore to protect you with
Just to fall on it later
Trippin' over big shoes of responsibility
Steps too established for my inexperienced feet
Spillin' the blood of slain victims condemned to death
By my charismatic disposition on my hands & heart
Blood stains deep
& the chinks in my armor feel more like dents in my confidence
Holes in my subconscious
But everyday I polish my suit
Because I want so desperately to be your knight in shining armor
Your Lancelot, your King Arthur
Because you've never had one
Entertained black knights in court jester uniforms
Shape-shifting fairies with lyres that only strum fables of forever and fidelity
But I'm
More like Alphonse Elric
An empty shell more metal than human
Using cheap alchemic romance to try and bring you happiness
I keep a can of polish for you
Hoping a fresh shine compensates for your demons still alive
& the ones that followed me into this quest
& all you want is a noble peasant
A dedicated blacksmith who loves and provides
But my ego would rather shoot for the stars
Even if my slingshot rocks can't make it that far
The dragons I've killed in past medieval times
Were Spyro compared to the serpents who hold your trust for me hostage
But every time I run off into battle
Trip over my feet & fall on my sword
To die another dishonorable death
The compassion you carry in your fingertips for me
Revives everything, even my foolish pride
& I go home
& I shine my suit of armor for you
Wishing that next time
I can make it past the castle walls
& bring you back a dragon's head
As a worthy prize
& everyday I diligently shine my suit of armor
Buffing out scratches and knocking out dents
Cause I want nothing more than to be your knight in shining armor
I waste days sharpening my sword I swore to protect you with
Just to fall on it later
Trippin' over big shoes of responsibility
Steps too established for my inexperienced feet
Spillin' the blood of slain victims condemned to death
By my charismatic disposition on my hands & heart
Blood stains deep
& the chinks in my armor feel more like dents in my confidence
Holes in my subconscious
But everyday I polish my suit
Because I want so desperately to be your knight in shining armor
Your Lancelot, your King Arthur
Because you've never had one
Entertained black knights in court jester uniforms
Shape-shifting fairies with lyres that only strum fables of forever and fidelity
But I'm
More like Alphonse Elric
An empty shell more metal than human
Using cheap alchemic romance to try and bring you happiness
I keep a can of polish for you
Hoping a fresh shine compensates for your demons still alive
& the ones that followed me into this quest
& all you want is a noble peasant
A dedicated blacksmith who loves and provides
But my ego would rather shoot for the stars
Even if my slingshot rocks can't make it that far
The dragons I've killed in past medieval times
Were Spyro compared to the serpents who hold your trust for me hostage
But every time I run off into battle
Trip over my feet & fall on my sword
To die another dishonorable death
The compassion you carry in your fingertips for me
Revives everything, even my foolish pride
& I go home
& I shine my suit of armor for you
Wishing that next time
I can make it past the castle walls
& bring you back a dragon's head
As a worthy prize
Modern Day Porn Star
Her catalog of cinematic pornographic accomplishments
Covers three walls of her three bedroom home
Categorized from emotional destruction to emotional detachment
She remembers each one
Girls Gone Wild, teenage rebellion personified
But ain't nothing soft core about middle-aged men coaching you on how to touch yourself
Them little star launched her star into Freaky First-Timers
Making her the newest hard core porn actress
Changed her name cause Chloe Cummz does what Lisa Thomas doesn't
Suck, squirt, ride
Missionary and doggy-style
Titty-fuck, toys, time-clock lesbians and ATM machines
Cried during Anal Crusaders but
Can't work if all your holes ain't for sale
So she gave up what she was saving for her husband
To a dude named Van Damage who did damage
To more than just her asshole
10th time around
Double Your Pleasure doubled the pressure on her stomach cavity
Two scenes of double penetration meant double the pay
And hey, that's what Lisa was going for
Chloe fucked her way up that ladder of abscess til she could cum no more
And couldn't suppress the pride when AVN gave her four award nominations
2009 Adult Video Vixen
And the jobs came
Wicked's exclusive contract star
Tales from the Dykeside where she learned that
All pussy is created equal
Cream Pie Surprise surprised even the camera man
With her milky white gold flowing like geysers
Graduated to big name dicks and now she's
Fuck'n Blackzilla and only taking Diesel
Letting black wood splinter her pussy walls like cheap pencils
Eight hours hard labor
She rode Black Ice to snort snow to cope with the cicles of social popularity that surrounded her uterus
And the bi-weekly tests couldn't stop her from getting that STD
And heavy birth control couldn't stop her from having Mandingo's baby
Classified a MILF and refused to watch Desperate Housewhores cause
Her moans reminded her took much of her newborn babies cries
Inside, her 10 years in the game felt like 25
She wouldn't make it cougar status cause she let the industry devour her soul
And spit back enough titles to cover three walls of the nearest mom & pop video store
Where Johns can choose her in pigtails or gangbangs
The glossy covers taking away from the shine in her eyes
That has dimmed after years of packaging it away with her dignity
There's nothing like knowing strangers have studied your body for hours
Just for a few minutes of satisfaction
She's lived her life on the front of DVDs and Blu-Ray discs
And that's the price she paid
For your $9.99 a cumshot
Covers three walls of her three bedroom home
Categorized from emotional destruction to emotional detachment
She remembers each one
Girls Gone Wild, teenage rebellion personified
But ain't nothing soft core about middle-aged men coaching you on how to touch yourself
Them little star launched her star into Freaky First-Timers
Making her the newest hard core porn actress
Changed her name cause Chloe Cummz does what Lisa Thomas doesn't
Suck, squirt, ride
Missionary and doggy-style
Titty-fuck, toys, time-clock lesbians and ATM machines
Cried during Anal Crusaders but
Can't work if all your holes ain't for sale
So she gave up what she was saving for her husband
To a dude named Van Damage who did damage
To more than just her asshole
10th time around
Double Your Pleasure doubled the pressure on her stomach cavity
Two scenes of double penetration meant double the pay
And hey, that's what Lisa was going for
Chloe fucked her way up that ladder of abscess til she could cum no more
And couldn't suppress the pride when AVN gave her four award nominations
2009 Adult Video Vixen
And the jobs came
Wicked's exclusive contract star
Tales from the Dykeside where she learned that
All pussy is created equal
Cream Pie Surprise surprised even the camera man
With her milky white gold flowing like geysers
Graduated to big name dicks and now she's
Fuck'n Blackzilla and only taking Diesel
Letting black wood splinter her pussy walls like cheap pencils
Eight hours hard labor
She rode Black Ice to snort snow to cope with the cicles of social popularity that surrounded her uterus
And the bi-weekly tests couldn't stop her from getting that STD
And heavy birth control couldn't stop her from having Mandingo's baby
Classified a MILF and refused to watch Desperate Housewhores cause
Her moans reminded her took much of her newborn babies cries
Inside, her 10 years in the game felt like 25
She wouldn't make it cougar status cause she let the industry devour her soul
And spit back enough titles to cover three walls of the nearest mom & pop video store
Where Johns can choose her in pigtails or gangbangs
The glossy covers taking away from the shine in her eyes
That has dimmed after years of packaging it away with her dignity
There's nothing like knowing strangers have studied your body for hours
Just for a few minutes of satisfaction
She's lived her life on the front of DVDs and Blu-Ray discs
And that's the price she paid
For your $9.99 a cumshot
Repeat
she said play that song back
press repeat
let me relive our 1st few days through a smooth bass beat
when ur eyes shined as bright as ur smile
even on days when life had lost its luster
i used 2 dress my gender
& u singing 2 me was all i'd need 2 make my day complete
spirited lyrics between plucks of guitar strings
i was that sight, w/my energy shinin' so bright
& so strong that it pulsed through our bodies like sonic booms
as we lay on da floor of my apartment
intimacy at its most innocent
& i can't remember da last time it felt like that
now we live by alarm clocks & difficult talks that may or may not end positively
i used 2 tell u things w/my touch
that would never come out my mouth
& u listened
told me things w/ur body placement on top of mine
that matched da look in ur eyes
& i understood
we spoke our own language & walked our own routine
but somewhere down da line i confused breakin' my neck 4 u
w/breakin' ur back 4 me
overcome by my selfish tendencies
press repeat
da refrain doesn't bother me
cause i wanna still be da Princess who burns CDs
calls u her Honeybee
wanna be da couple who spends their nights @ IHOP
& days in da conforms of satin sheets or comforters or carpets or showers
or da sun rays that cut through patio blinds
soaking in da moments between verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge
yea
that track holds da fountain of youth 2 our relationship
da 1st 'our song'
cause we can have sex 2 mixes & singles
but nuthin beats making love 2 my wife
2 da sounds of U & I
press repeat
let me relive our 1st few days through a smooth bass beat
when ur eyes shined as bright as ur smile
even on days when life had lost its luster
i used 2 dress my gender
& u singing 2 me was all i'd need 2 make my day complete
spirited lyrics between plucks of guitar strings
i was that sight, w/my energy shinin' so bright
& so strong that it pulsed through our bodies like sonic booms
as we lay on da floor of my apartment
intimacy at its most innocent
& i can't remember da last time it felt like that
now we live by alarm clocks & difficult talks that may or may not end positively
i used 2 tell u things w/my touch
that would never come out my mouth
& u listened
told me things w/ur body placement on top of mine
that matched da look in ur eyes
& i understood
we spoke our own language & walked our own routine
but somewhere down da line i confused breakin' my neck 4 u
w/breakin' ur back 4 me
overcome by my selfish tendencies
press repeat
da refrain doesn't bother me
cause i wanna still be da Princess who burns CDs
calls u her Honeybee
wanna be da couple who spends their nights @ IHOP
& days in da conforms of satin sheets or comforters or carpets or showers
or da sun rays that cut through patio blinds
soaking in da moments between verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge
yea
that track holds da fountain of youth 2 our relationship
da 1st 'our song'
cause we can have sex 2 mixes & singles
but nuthin beats making love 2 my wife
2 da sounds of U & I
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